Meet Michael

Today was one of those days life just throws at you. You never really know what a life changing event is going to happen and I thought I was prepared for what happened, but I wasn't and it took all my wits to keep in the tears.

Let me explain and introduce to you a wonderful human being.

Meet Michael.

A fourteen year old boy with a big heart and a big future.

Teaching teenagers has made me really think about what my adolescence was like. I interact with these kids every day and learn all about their likes, dislikes. The boys and girls they think are cute. The celebrities they admire. When their parent's bug them. When their teachers are unfair. Becoming a teacher has allowed me to further appreciate the teachers I had back in the day. Maybe it wasn't always obvious to me then, but knowing how I feel about my students helps me realize that I had some truly amazing teachers.

But this story is about Michael.

Let me start by saying China is no different from the rest of the world. Teenagers face certain problems that are unique to their age. Acne just sucks. Mood swings are the worse. Pressure to do well in a society that demands the best is enough to make the strongest man crumble to his knees. But these kids keep keepin' on. They don't give up. They don't complain (too much). And generally, they are happy.

But there is one thing that I've witnessed over the course of this school year that I just wish I could punch in the face: mean people. They are all over and really the same no matter where you are. And well, this story is about a boy who every day faces the challenge of mean people and his continued strength to overcome them.

Michael is a smart, bright boy. He's funny. He's quirky. Maybe a little bit weird. But who the heck isn't a little bit weird these days? Maybe he is a bit of a "show off" in terms of his superior English skills and his past opportunities to live and study abroad. But, he has a good heart and a good mind. Those two amazing attributes however have not protected him from the harsh realities of the world. People will always try to knock you down.

Michael's classmates are mean to him. They never want to include him in group activities. They call him names. They laugh at him. So be it. You think "hey its okay. that's what teachers are for, to put a stop to nonsense" Well guess what, his teachers (at least the one I deal most with) isn't any better. In fact, his teacher is probably the biggest bully of them all. She intentionally separates him from his class mates, making him work alone in isolation. She shames him in front of the class for nothing more than a careless mistake. And she laughs along with the other students when someone says something mean to or about him. It is usually unbearable to watch. But thus far, I've had to hold my tongue. I'm not really sure what the proper etiquette here when it comes to wanting to tell your superior they are a jerk face with dog breath. But I had a plan, and I hoped it would work.

My students started their finals this week. For their oral exam, I pull them aside, one by one, and talk with them for a few minutes, asking them questions and just engaging in conversation. Its my one chance to really get to know the students, learn about them, spend some quality time talking to them. Well, today I had Michael's class and I decided he would go first. Mostly because his English is the best in the class. But also because I had a little speech prepared for him, one that I hope he never forgets.

After he finished his exam, I said to him, "Michael, I hope you know you are special. I know how your classmates are mean to you. I have seen how your teacher treats you. And I want you to listen to this one thing: They are wrong. One day, you will be a better person because you have faced difficulties in the eye and you have beat them. I want you to promise me you will never listen to them. You can never let them steal your happiness because you deserve to be happy. You are a wonderful, smart, funny, and kind boy. If anyone is mean to you, it is because they are jealous. But I also want you to promise me that one day, you can forgive them. Because if you stay angry at them, you also cannot be happy. Maybe you are a little bit different, and that's okay. Because being different is special. And I want you to always remember, no matter what, I will always be on your side and here to cheer you on as you continue to do great things with your life"

Okay, that's somewhat of a paraphrase. Because, I'll be honest, towards the end I was choking out my words a bit. Trying to hold back the lump forming in my throat.

When I finished, Michael just looked at me for a few seconds. His English is good, but I worried he didn't fully understand what I was trying to say. But, after a while, with tears forming in his eyes he said, "Ashley, I think you are the only person...thank you. You understand me, the only one."

Yup, and then I just about lost it but I still had 30 minutes of class left and 16 finals to finish. Michael and I continued talking for a little bit longer. He was upset when I told him I wouldn't be his foreign teacher next year, but relieved when I said he could visit me at any time in my office.


Now, I realize that sometimes telling a story like this can be egotistical, such as "ooh look what I did, I'm such a saint" Well, that's not why I'm telling this story. I'm telling it because Michael deserves to be heard and he deserves to be loved. And so do all people. Anyone who is completely happy would have no reason to pick on someone else, so clearly there is something his classmates and teacher are lacking. And we all need to be reminded sometimes we are not alone. So I tell this story to encourage you. Find someone who needs to hear their worth. Find someone who needs to hear, "I love you" "I'm rooting for you" "I'm here for you" "I care". Because those words can easily change a day or change a life.

And honestly, sure, I may have changed Michael's life today. But you know what? He has been changing my life for the last 10 months. Every single day he has faced these people and he has never lashed out. He has never been broken. He has never given up. He is the true hero of this story and I just sincerely hope he never loses the strength that's within him and he always remembers he is loved.

Lessons Learned

While living in China, I've learned many things. Some of them are quite obvious: how to use chopsticks, how to speak (a teeny tiny bit) Chinese, how to survive culture shock...

Other things are simple life lessons. Things I could have learned anywhere in the world. All of this new knowledge has helped me grow and mature in numerous ways. I've become a better person because of China. I can love fuller and deeper. I appreciate all aspects of life, good and bad, so much more.

Patience and understanding are two things that people think they have in their life, but you truly don't know if you have it until your limits are pushed and you are tested. Living in China has shown me how incredibly important patience is and how approaching every situaiton in life with an open mind and understanding for varying perspectives can change your life.

But, I think the most important lesson I've learned over the last few months is definitely something I could have learned anywhere. There are times in life when people let you down.  Whether its a student who has much greater potential than they show, a boss who just doesn't have a clue, or a friend who unknowingly betrays you, forgiveness can be hard. It's so much easier to bundle up all those negative feelings, to point the finger of blame, to hold things over people's heads until relationships are shattered. But, when we forgive, not only are you letting that person of the hook for their wrongdoing, you are freeing yourself from bitterness, grief, and any other number of negative emotions poisoning your life. Instead of being disappointed with people, I've decided life can be a more joyful occassion with a little bit of forgiveness. Holding grudges does nothing but harm yourself.

This post may have nothing to do with an adventure persay, but it has everything to do with individual growth and maturation. And let's face it, maturing into a better person can just possibly be the greatest adventure of life.

So here's to the lessons I've learned and those that are yet to come.