China is a land of confusion. Sometimes things work out perfectly and exactly how you could expect them to. Other times, China throws you every single curveball imaginable. But you know what? That's okay.
Sometimes you gotta take the bad with the good. There are times I want to throw China in a ditch and there are times I want to hug it for being so joyfully wonderful.
Like right now, autumn is upon us here in Nanjing. And everywhere, literally EVERYWHERE I go, there is this beautiful sweet fragrance filling the air. Some little flower is in full bloom and just making the air smell heavenly. I didn't know a random smell could fill me with such hope and leave such a promising expectation for good things coming my way.
So here is a shout out to you, weird but glorious smell that is taking over Nanjing. I salute you for lifting the spirits of all those lucky enough to smell your sweet scent and be enveloped in the happy-go-lucky feeling you bring.
((I was going to end my blog right there, but I just had to add this crazy little part. I'm listening to some random song and the lyrics said something about the scent of the foreign flower...life is full of too many coincidences for them to be coincidences.))
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Monday, September 23, 2013
What Home Is.
I've now been back in China for 29 days. That may not sound like long, but a lot can happen in 29 days; that's also 3 days more than my time back home. But, if we're getting technical here, those 26 days were split up into a ton of different places: Vegas, San Diego, Arizona, Seal Beach.... So what exactly is home? I mean, being in the US made me miss China. Being in Nanjing makes me miss Guiyang. Every single day I think about at least one thing that makes me miss the US. So where is home?
This is something I've been struggling with ever since I left my family behind at security at LAX. Leaving for China was significantly harder this time around for several reasons, some of which I'm still discovering. Maybe that's why (actually that's exactly why) I've taken 29 days to write about my time at "home". Thinking about and talking about things at home makes me sad. There is so much that I am missing out on: weddings, births, deaths, celebrations, birthdays, holidays...the list can continue forever. There are all the little things too: playing monopoly with friends, driving down PCH with the windows down and my music turned up, car bars, laughter, jokes, home cooked meals, walks along the beach, the release of all pain when someone you love and who loves you hugs you. These are all the things that make a home, mixed in all together, the good and the bad. That's why Seal Beach, San Diego, Vegas, Arizona, Guiyang, and now Nanjing are all home to me. That's why six places can hold a place in my heart and be part of who I am.
I'm not going to be a this cliché and say "home is not a place, its a feeling" because I don't think I fully believe that. Home is a place that makes us feel, gives us those feelings. Home is where we feel welcome, safe, and loved. Home is where we may feel alone, sad, and scared. It is a place where memories live forever, memories brought back through smells, sounds, and sights. You can never really leave home or runaway because it follows you everywhere you go. So I guess I wasted 29 days worrying about what would happen when I thought about and consequently wrote about home.
So what did I do during my 26 whirlwind days stateside? I lived. I drove my car, fought with my family, shared secrets with my friends, stayed up too late, cried happy tears and sad. I went to doctors appointments, ran errands, did laundry. I did what I've always done but everything felt different. Maybe the real reason I've avoided talking about home is because at least at first, going home didn't feel right. Now that I've finally admitted that, I can actually explain myself. Living in China changed me. The people I met (Chinese, travelers, fellow teachers) changed me. My perspective shifted and I grew up a little bit. I saw the world and held it in the palm of my hands. Going back to your own world after life-altering experiences changes your old world and I don't think I was expecting to feel so out of place when I returned. Home was the same and different in so many ways. The pace of life was faster, I was connected to the entire world everywhere I went thanks to my fully functioning iPhone. I could suddenly drink tap water, read signs, and be understood every time I ordered food, asked for directions, or talked to a stranger. These are all things that I've basically lived with for 22 years and I had to readjust to live that way again. So coming home was also somewhat of a re-self-discovery.
But what I really should be getting to are the many adventures I had while home. I managed to squeeze in three Angels games and one Galaxy game. At my first Angels game, I was surprised with a "welcome home Ashley" sign on the jumbo tron (not a proposal, but close enough so I can mark that off the bucket list) and I was surrounded by family and friends. I got to support my teams and I had a blast being crazy and just being me. And I don't think anyone would disagree when I say a live game is incomparable to watching animated play-by-plays online.
I also went to Vegas to visit family. Its hard when you see the people you care for so infrequently, but reconnecting and spending those 4 short days together was amazing. And I am proud to say that in those four days of gambling, I broke completely even. Didn't lose or win a cent. I guess you can call me a safe bet.
I made the voyage down to San Diego which was probably the most bittersweet part of this journey. My time there was so short and I didn't get to see everyone or eat all my favorite foods. But, I am beyond grateful for the friends I did get to see. Saying goodbye to them was difficult, but I have to believe that life will bring us together again. And if it doesn't, well at least we'll always have the memories. My 4+ years in SD were some of the best in my life and I'm lucky to have been able to call it home.
Another bucket list item can be checked off because after San Diego, I went to Arizona and finally saw the Grand Canyon. It is just as magnificent and unbelievable as I always imagined. I also spent a few days in Scottsdale where I finally got some time to relax and reconnect with old "family". I had a blast.
Now if I were to break down the 26 days, I ended spending more time away from home (Seal Beach) then at it. But I wouldn't change a thing. Thought at times it was hectic, crazy, and stressful, it was beautiful all the same. I got to eat some of the most delicious food: tri tip, tacos, chicken and dumplings, el Burrito, Bubba's pulled pork, BBQ chicken, mac n cheese, omelets..... all these things that I love that bring back cherished memories. I got to spend time with friends that I've known since I had a full set of baby teeth. I got to reconnect with four years worth of co-workers at a bowling alley. I got to watch the sun set over the Pacific Ocean from my hometown. I got to relive childhood ecstasy at Disneyland.
But most importantly, I got to look people in the eyes and tell them that I love them. I got to reach out and hug people I cared about. I got to feel the love and warmth surrounding me instead of reading about it through a computer. And that is what made all the difference. That is what makes a home a home.
This is something I've been struggling with ever since I left my family behind at security at LAX. Leaving for China was significantly harder this time around for several reasons, some of which I'm still discovering. Maybe that's why (actually that's exactly why) I've taken 29 days to write about my time at "home". Thinking about and talking about things at home makes me sad. There is so much that I am missing out on: weddings, births, deaths, celebrations, birthdays, holidays...the list can continue forever. There are all the little things too: playing monopoly with friends, driving down PCH with the windows down and my music turned up, car bars, laughter, jokes, home cooked meals, walks along the beach, the release of all pain when someone you love and who loves you hugs you. These are all the things that make a home, mixed in all together, the good and the bad. That's why Seal Beach, San Diego, Vegas, Arizona, Guiyang, and now Nanjing are all home to me. That's why six places can hold a place in my heart and be part of who I am.
I'm not going to be a this cliché and say "home is not a place, its a feeling" because I don't think I fully believe that. Home is a place that makes us feel, gives us those feelings. Home is where we feel welcome, safe, and loved. Home is where we may feel alone, sad, and scared. It is a place where memories live forever, memories brought back through smells, sounds, and sights. You can never really leave home or runaway because it follows you everywhere you go. So I guess I wasted 29 days worrying about what would happen when I thought about and consequently wrote about home.
So what did I do during my 26 whirlwind days stateside? I lived. I drove my car, fought with my family, shared secrets with my friends, stayed up too late, cried happy tears and sad. I went to doctors appointments, ran errands, did laundry. I did what I've always done but everything felt different. Maybe the real reason I've avoided talking about home is because at least at first, going home didn't feel right. Now that I've finally admitted that, I can actually explain myself. Living in China changed me. The people I met (Chinese, travelers, fellow teachers) changed me. My perspective shifted and I grew up a little bit. I saw the world and held it in the palm of my hands. Going back to your own world after life-altering experiences changes your old world and I don't think I was expecting to feel so out of place when I returned. Home was the same and different in so many ways. The pace of life was faster, I was connected to the entire world everywhere I went thanks to my fully functioning iPhone. I could suddenly drink tap water, read signs, and be understood every time I ordered food, asked for directions, or talked to a stranger. These are all things that I've basically lived with for 22 years and I had to readjust to live that way again. So coming home was also somewhat of a re-self-discovery.
But what I really should be getting to are the many adventures I had while home. I managed to squeeze in three Angels games and one Galaxy game. At my first Angels game, I was surprised with a "welcome home Ashley" sign on the jumbo tron (not a proposal, but close enough so I can mark that off the bucket list) and I was surrounded by family and friends. I got to support my teams and I had a blast being crazy and just being me. And I don't think anyone would disagree when I say a live game is incomparable to watching animated play-by-plays online.
I also went to Vegas to visit family. Its hard when you see the people you care for so infrequently, but reconnecting and spending those 4 short days together was amazing. And I am proud to say that in those four days of gambling, I broke completely even. Didn't lose or win a cent. I guess you can call me a safe bet.
I made the voyage down to San Diego which was probably the most bittersweet part of this journey. My time there was so short and I didn't get to see everyone or eat all my favorite foods. But, I am beyond grateful for the friends I did get to see. Saying goodbye to them was difficult, but I have to believe that life will bring us together again. And if it doesn't, well at least we'll always have the memories. My 4+ years in SD were some of the best in my life and I'm lucky to have been able to call it home.
Another bucket list item can be checked off because after San Diego, I went to Arizona and finally saw the Grand Canyon. It is just as magnificent and unbelievable as I always imagined. I also spent a few days in Scottsdale where I finally got some time to relax and reconnect with old "family". I had a blast.
Now if I were to break down the 26 days, I ended spending more time away from home (Seal Beach) then at it. But I wouldn't change a thing. Thought at times it was hectic, crazy, and stressful, it was beautiful all the same. I got to eat some of the most delicious food: tri tip, tacos, chicken and dumplings, el Burrito, Bubba's pulled pork, BBQ chicken, mac n cheese, omelets..... all these things that I love that bring back cherished memories. I got to spend time with friends that I've known since I had a full set of baby teeth. I got to reconnect with four years worth of co-workers at a bowling alley. I got to watch the sun set over the Pacific Ocean from my hometown. I got to relive childhood ecstasy at Disneyland.
But most importantly, I got to look people in the eyes and tell them that I love them. I got to reach out and hug people I cared about. I got to feel the love and warmth surrounding me instead of reading about it through a computer. And that is what made all the difference. That is what makes a home a home.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
What Does It Mean
I am a firm believer in the saying "everything happens for a reason"...
I truly think and feel that at the end of the day, every word we say, every action, and every feeling stems from some meaningful beginning. There is a reason the sky is blue. There is a reason girls like flowers. There's a reason chocolate makes you fat.
I think there is a reason that I found myself back in China. I believe there is a reason I chose to come to Nanjing over returning to Guiyang. I believe there is a reason I have put up with the struggle and fight and faced all the complications.
Have I faced all these struggles gracefully? Heavens no. I've complained and whined. I've shed a few (or maybe more than a few) tears. I've stomped my feet. I've been down right grumpy.
BUT
There is a reason its been so difficult.
I don't know what it is yet, but sooner or later I will learn.
Maybe it will be one of those profound life lessons. Like you have to fight for what you want. Or maybe its not worth it if you didn't have to struggle.
I'm ready to accept the fact that not everything goes perfectly or the way you want it to. Sometimes life just sucks and that's okay. At the end of the day, you just need to pick yourself back up, brush off your shoulders, and soldier on.
I don't know why I have faced so many problems in my first 2-3 weeks back in China.
But I do know that I love it here nonetheless.
I do know that I am already building new friendships and relationships with students and teachers.
I'm discovering a new city and falling in love with a new China, different from before, but still just your typical China.
I don't know what it all means.
But I have the faith and trust to know that sometimes you have to let go of the control you so desperately want to cling to. Sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith and know that even if everything goes wrong, you'll be okay.
I'm also learning how to accept help. I don't always have to be my own super hero. Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to just accept it when others are so willing to give it.
I have such a wonderful support system: back home and here in China.
It's about time I learn to lean on others.
Sooooo
Thank you.
You know who you are.
Thank you for being my rock. Thank you for being that guiding light. Thank you for taking the wheel when I can't seem to stay in the lane. Thank you for always making me smile, even when I seem completely inconsolable. Thank you for seeing past the facade and being there, even when I try my best to convince you I'm fine.
and on a side note....
I meant for this to be short and all, but in typical Ashley fashion I just kept going and going and going....
also,
in the very near future, I'll post about my time at home and the beginnings of Nanjing.
All in due time.
<3
I truly think and feel that at the end of the day, every word we say, every action, and every feeling stems from some meaningful beginning. There is a reason the sky is blue. There is a reason girls like flowers. There's a reason chocolate makes you fat.
I think there is a reason that I found myself back in China. I believe there is a reason I chose to come to Nanjing over returning to Guiyang. I believe there is a reason I have put up with the struggle and fight and faced all the complications.
Have I faced all these struggles gracefully? Heavens no. I've complained and whined. I've shed a few (or maybe more than a few) tears. I've stomped my feet. I've been down right grumpy.
BUT
There is a reason its been so difficult.
I don't know what it is yet, but sooner or later I will learn.
Maybe it will be one of those profound life lessons. Like you have to fight for what you want. Or maybe its not worth it if you didn't have to struggle.
I'm ready to accept the fact that not everything goes perfectly or the way you want it to. Sometimes life just sucks and that's okay. At the end of the day, you just need to pick yourself back up, brush off your shoulders, and soldier on.
I don't know why I have faced so many problems in my first 2-3 weeks back in China.
But I do know that I love it here nonetheless.
I do know that I am already building new friendships and relationships with students and teachers.
I'm discovering a new city and falling in love with a new China, different from before, but still just your typical China.
I don't know what it all means.
But I have the faith and trust to know that sometimes you have to let go of the control you so desperately want to cling to. Sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith and know that even if everything goes wrong, you'll be okay.
I'm also learning how to accept help. I don't always have to be my own super hero. Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to just accept it when others are so willing to give it.
I have such a wonderful support system: back home and here in China.
It's about time I learn to lean on others.
Sooooo
Thank you.
You know who you are.
Thank you for being my rock. Thank you for being that guiding light. Thank you for taking the wheel when I can't seem to stay in the lane. Thank you for always making me smile, even when I seem completely inconsolable. Thank you for seeing past the facade and being there, even when I try my best to convince you I'm fine.
and on a side note....
I meant for this to be short and all, but in typical Ashley fashion I just kept going and going and going....
also,
in the very near future, I'll post about my time at home and the beginnings of Nanjing.
All in due time.
<3
Monday, September 2, 2013
Late is Better Than Never, Right?
Okay, so it has been what, one, two months...approximately, since I've written on my blog. You can chastise me all you want, but I have nothing to apologize for. I have been out and about living my life and making the most of this precious life. Now that I'm back in China and starting school, things are actually starting to slow down and I can reflect back on what exactly happened in the last two months. Will you get to hear every single story? No. But maybe now that I've done it all and seen it all and thought about it all....I don't know, maybe it will enhance my story telling capabilities.
So my last post was about Cambodia, specifically Phnom Pehn. I'm pretty sure I never wrote about Siem Reap because that's where my laptop charger exploded and I was suddenly slightly less connected with the world than before. What can I say about Siem Reap other than Angkor Wat is the most amazing place I have ever been. To have the opportunity to walk through hallways and passages and on walls that were built so long ago with such beauty was just an unbelievable experience. You get this feeling of pure awe at the intricate detail put into every single inch of the place. And yes I know the actual temple complex that is Angkor Wat is supposed to be the biggest and best, but I by far had a better time strolling around and through some of the older more obscure temples. I found that those were even more amazing to look at because most of them haven't been restored in any way (unlike Angkor Wat which has been restored/remodeled in some places). It was all amazing and cool and yeah. I don't know. I guess you can talk about it all you want but I don't think anyone can truly appreciate the epicness of Angkor Wat without going themselves.
Next stop on the whirlwind adventure of 5 Southeast Asia countries in 26 days was Thailand!!! Now I have wanted to go to Thailand forever; out of all the countries I visited this summer, Thailand is the only one that I thought I would ever actually go to. Bangkok, in my honest opinion, is overrated and not what its cracked up to be. But I absolutely fell in love with the people of Chiang Mai in the north of Thailand. Especially the two owners of our hostel, they were just so warm and welcoming. They made a point to make sure they introduced new comers to the hostel to whoever was around; they took us out to a free cabaret show; they went above and beyond to help when we needed it.
But talking about Chiang Mai would not be complete without a quick elephant blurb. Yes I rode an elephant like everyone who goes to Chiang Mai does. Yes, I tried to make sure it was a camp that treated their animals well. Yes, in typical Ashley fashion...I fell off my elephant. I maintain to this day that it wasn't my fault, it was the elephant's. I swear, he had it out for me. He was all like "eh uh. get off me girl" Of course right after the elephant blatantly embarrasses me in front of everyone, I have to hop right back on for a ride to the bathing hole where I precede to get in the mud pool with the elephant and bathe it. Best experience of my life? I'm not sure, but it is definitely in the top ten.
Moving down south, I mean, who doesn't love even just the idea of the beaches of Thailand?! Yes it was beautiful and amazing and relaxing and blah blah blah. Do I want to go back? Of course I do! Will I go to Krabi again? Maybe not. I do think it is highly underrated as a good place to go. Maybe the party scene isn't as good as it could be (especially compared to Koh Tai or Koh Lanta or any of the other millions of islands that are famous for their parties. But, anyone who knows me knows that crazy party scenes aren't really my scene. So I enjoyed myself and still got to see some of the coolest places (like Railay Beach!)
I feel for the most part I could skip Kuala Lumpur. I had been so excited to go there and see things. But in the end, it was more of a letdown. A lot of the city was under construction which made navigating the streets incredibly difficult. I often felt like I was forced to use a taxi because of the street confusion and then most of the taxi drivers were a rip off. The only cool thin was that I faced my fear of birds and went to the KL bird park. As much as I really dislike birds and they freak me out, it was pretty cool to be right up and in it all with the birds and so many of them were just so beautiful.
Finally I get to talk back the Philippines. My oh my was Boracay awesome. I mean, it was truly paradise. White sand beaches, palms trees, and a cool tropical breeze blowing. Sipping on cocktails while lounging in the low surf. I mean, I don't think I can paint the picture well with my words. All I really have to say is close your eyes and think of one word: Paradise. Everyone has their own idea of what that is. Mine is Boracay. I'm sure many people picture a similar tropical paradise. I think it was the best possible place to spend my birthday. I think I'm a pretty lucky girl.
I never thought I'd get to do the things I've done and see the places I've seen. Many people would call me lucky (heck, I just called myself lucky). But I constantly have to remind myself that I'm not lucky at all. I worked hard and carefully budgeted my money for a long time to be able to afford a trip like this. And when you aren't too picky, a trip like this doesn't have to be some huge expensive ordeal. You can stay in budget accommodations, eat like the locals do instead of eating Western food every night. Walk or discover the metro systems instead of taking taxis. I mean honestly, anyone can do it. I mean, come on. If you really want something that badly, you can practice the self reserve and not go shopping every single day or eat out every other day or whatever it is you waste your money on. Just stop doing that and make a travel piggy bank. You won't regret it.
So my last post was about Cambodia, specifically Phnom Pehn. I'm pretty sure I never wrote about Siem Reap because that's where my laptop charger exploded and I was suddenly slightly less connected with the world than before. What can I say about Siem Reap other than Angkor Wat is the most amazing place I have ever been. To have the opportunity to walk through hallways and passages and on walls that were built so long ago with such beauty was just an unbelievable experience. You get this feeling of pure awe at the intricate detail put into every single inch of the place. And yes I know the actual temple complex that is Angkor Wat is supposed to be the biggest and best, but I by far had a better time strolling around and through some of the older more obscure temples. I found that those were even more amazing to look at because most of them haven't been restored in any way (unlike Angkor Wat which has been restored/remodeled in some places). It was all amazing and cool and yeah. I don't know. I guess you can talk about it all you want but I don't think anyone can truly appreciate the epicness of Angkor Wat without going themselves.
Next stop on the whirlwind adventure of 5 Southeast Asia countries in 26 days was Thailand!!! Now I have wanted to go to Thailand forever; out of all the countries I visited this summer, Thailand is the only one that I thought I would ever actually go to. Bangkok, in my honest opinion, is overrated and not what its cracked up to be. But I absolutely fell in love with the people of Chiang Mai in the north of Thailand. Especially the two owners of our hostel, they were just so warm and welcoming. They made a point to make sure they introduced new comers to the hostel to whoever was around; they took us out to a free cabaret show; they went above and beyond to help when we needed it.
But talking about Chiang Mai would not be complete without a quick elephant blurb. Yes I rode an elephant like everyone who goes to Chiang Mai does. Yes, I tried to make sure it was a camp that treated their animals well. Yes, in typical Ashley fashion...I fell off my elephant. I maintain to this day that it wasn't my fault, it was the elephant's. I swear, he had it out for me. He was all like "eh uh. get off me girl" Of course right after the elephant blatantly embarrasses me in front of everyone, I have to hop right back on for a ride to the bathing hole where I precede to get in the mud pool with the elephant and bathe it. Best experience of my life? I'm not sure, but it is definitely in the top ten.
Moving down south, I mean, who doesn't love even just the idea of the beaches of Thailand?! Yes it was beautiful and amazing and relaxing and blah blah blah. Do I want to go back? Of course I do! Will I go to Krabi again? Maybe not. I do think it is highly underrated as a good place to go. Maybe the party scene isn't as good as it could be (especially compared to Koh Tai or Koh Lanta or any of the other millions of islands that are famous for their parties. But, anyone who knows me knows that crazy party scenes aren't really my scene. So I enjoyed myself and still got to see some of the coolest places (like Railay Beach!)
I feel for the most part I could skip Kuala Lumpur. I had been so excited to go there and see things. But in the end, it was more of a letdown. A lot of the city was under construction which made navigating the streets incredibly difficult. I often felt like I was forced to use a taxi because of the street confusion and then most of the taxi drivers were a rip off. The only cool thin was that I faced my fear of birds and went to the KL bird park. As much as I really dislike birds and they freak me out, it was pretty cool to be right up and in it all with the birds and so many of them were just so beautiful.
Finally I get to talk back the Philippines. My oh my was Boracay awesome. I mean, it was truly paradise. White sand beaches, palms trees, and a cool tropical breeze blowing. Sipping on cocktails while lounging in the low surf. I mean, I don't think I can paint the picture well with my words. All I really have to say is close your eyes and think of one word: Paradise. Everyone has their own idea of what that is. Mine is Boracay. I'm sure many people picture a similar tropical paradise. I think it was the best possible place to spend my birthday. I think I'm a pretty lucky girl.
I never thought I'd get to do the things I've done and see the places I've seen. Many people would call me lucky (heck, I just called myself lucky). But I constantly have to remind myself that I'm not lucky at all. I worked hard and carefully budgeted my money for a long time to be able to afford a trip like this. And when you aren't too picky, a trip like this doesn't have to be some huge expensive ordeal. You can stay in budget accommodations, eat like the locals do instead of eating Western food every night. Walk or discover the metro systems instead of taking taxis. I mean honestly, anyone can do it. I mean, come on. If you really want something that badly, you can practice the self reserve and not go shopping every single day or eat out every other day or whatever it is you waste your money on. Just stop doing that and make a travel piggy bank. You won't regret it.
 |
| Angkor Wat |
 |
| Tomb Raider Temple |
 |
| PETRONAS Towers in KL |
 |
| Pretty Birdie |
 |
| Boracay! |
 |
| Sunset over White Beach |
 |
| Found a starfish in Philippines :) |
 |
| fabulous cabaret in Chiang Mai |
 |
| Butterfly fly away |
 |
| My new bestie. |
 |
| we have a lot in common. we both love bananas |
 |
| on our way to Railay Beach in Thailand |
 |
| Thailand-tastic. |
 |
| Surf. Sand. Sun. Love. |
Friday, July 12, 2013
Opening My Eyes
Phnom Penh, Cambodia.
PP is the capitol of this beautiful country. I'm not gonna lie, my knowledge of cambodia was pretty slim a year ago...heck even one week ago I was learning new things about this country that I feel like I definitely should have known about. Hopefully some of you already know some of the history. If not, let me fill you in.
We left Ho Chi Minh in the morning and took a bus to PP. It was actually incredibly comfortable and quite a good experience (wish I could say the same for all these other bus rides!). The further we got from HCMC, the more beautiful the landscape got. Especially once we hit the cambodia side, it was all green and open sky and honestly the most beautiful clouds I've ever seen. Traveling to SEA (southeast Asia) during the wet season obviously has its drawbacks...but it is so easy to entertain yourself on a long bus ride when you find pictures in the clouds. So after 7-8 hours of sitting on a bus, going through the border, sitting on a bus...we arrived in PP. At the bus stop we share a taxi with a guy from Germany named Andi who ended up staying at our hostel was well. PP wasn't what I was expecting...but then again I didn't really know what to expect. It seemed kind of hard to find local foods because everythig just seemed very western. Which in a way is nice after being in china for 4+ months without as much western contact (western food and stores yes, people no). That first night we walked around one of the wats and had dinner on the river walk. The whole night I was trying to mentally prepare myself for the next day.
Phnom Penh is well known for its history during te Khmer Rogue ruling following the civil war in Cambodia. Happening roughly 30 years ago, this is all such current history that just hasn't been talked about back home. Millions of people died during the time, the goal was to start over at year zero by eliminating all intellectuals, religiuous figures, past government officials, and any family members or people who posed a threat. If you spoke a foreign language, you were a target. If you had higher education, a target. And where were these people sent? To prisons where they were ruthlessly interrogated, lived in dire conditions, and then sent for execution. The most famous of these prisons is in PP and it had been turned into a museum of remembrance. Not far from the prison is a killing field where they were all sent for death. It is the largest killing field in Cambodia. On the second day, I visited both places.
We started at the prison, known as S21. It's location was a former high school, classrooms were turned into torture rooms, libraries into prison cells. One thing that is somewhat unique of this genocide are the records kept of all the prisoners. Each prisoner was photographed, hand written confessions of their "crimes" were found. And the prison was kept mostly the same when it was converted into the museum. The interrogations rooms still hold some of the devices and beds used for torture. The wooden and brick cells are still in place. Countless boards displaying tr pictures of the victims line room after room. Here you can see the faces of men and women, the young and the old. The grounds also contain the graves of the last 14 victims to die at the prison as we as the skulls and bones of some of the victims.
Regardless of how much you prepare yourself to go to a place like that, there will always be something that makes you stop in your tracks. When you see a woman holding her newborn baby awaiting certain death, a little bit of your inner light fades. When you learn about the foreign victims of at S21 (from India, Australia, France, the US...) you have to shudder because you had no idea. When you read the autobiographies of the victims that were required upon entry to the prison, your heart just kinda stops. I wasn't prepared when I read the testimony of an American victim and saw the words Anaheim, San Diego, UCSB. How could something so tragic be so close to home and not mentioned in our schools? It really does make you take a step back and wonder about this world we live in. How there can be this capacity of hatred in a person, how one can justify the most ruthful actions.
After visiting the prison we started the short journey to the killing fields. The location isn't all that large and you are given an audio tour device at the entrance. I went through alone, going from place to place and just listened to the haunting story of what happened there not so long ago. Many of the original buildings were torn down shortly after the overthrow of the Khmer rogue so many places we're just marked off by signs. This is the type of thing I feel I can't go into much detail about. Walking through the killing fields is more of an emotion that you have to feel yourself. It's nearly impossible to describe how I felt as I walked past mass graves of 600+ people and how you could find bones sticking out in some areas still...brought closer to the surface after recent rain. It's hard to describe the sensation of losing all feeling as you stand before a tree that was used to smash infants into so that they could easily be discarded into the pit right next to it. The whole time you feel angry, sad, confused and scared. And then when you go into the stupa and see row after row of skulls you just feel defeated.
I don't regret going to these places. I do regret that things like this exist in our world. My eyes have been opened onto the harsh realities of what happens all over the world. It is a truth that you can't take back and a stripping of innocence. But I think it's something that everyone should do and go see. It's something that you won't fully understand unless you see it for yourself. It may be painful, but open your eyes.
Friday, July 5, 2013
And So It Begins: Vietnam
After a one day delay, the month long adventure through Southeast Asia began in Vietnam. After spending the last 3 days in Haoi we are getting ready to depart for Cambodia via Ho Chi Minh City. I'm not gonna lie, I have absolutely loved every single second of my time in Hanoi...except maybe the 2+ hours it took to get through immigration and customs.
The hostel we are staying at, Central Backpackers Hostel, is incredibly awesome. It is extremely budget friendly but not a stinkhole either. For 5 bucks a night I've had a comfortable bed to sleep in, a hot shower, free beer, and a very accomodating staff taking care of me. We are right in the heart of everything that is great about Hanoi. The Old French Quarter is only a couple blocks away as is Hoan Kiem Lake.
One major positive of Vietnam is everything is SOO CHEAP! I don't think I ever spent more than $3 for a meal, $2 for a beer, or $5 for an activity. I really don't understand how everything back home is so expensive. I swear, I can live for a year in Asia for the same cost of living at home for a month. And I can probably live just as comfortably and healthier here also. That is what I call "winning".
So I'm going to give a hole lump sum of my time in Hanoi in this one post.
The first day we got here around noon. We checked into the hostel and relaxed for a couple hours because it had been a long night of traveling and airports and we both needed a rest. We then took off to find the lake but went the wrong way and got a little lost. We did find a lake (the wrong one, and much smaller) and eventually we figured our way back to the right area and to the actual Hoan Kiem Lake. Another great thing about Hanoi is that there are cafes on practically every corner. Every couple hours we would stop somewhere to get a snack, smoothie, or coffee. Vietnamese iced coffee is one of the most delicious things I have ever had. There is also a super yummy dipping sauce that is served with most meals that is to die for. I have also had some pretty good smoothies too. Man, I love this city for the smoothies alone. We went out for dinner that first night with a girl staying in our dorm room. We found a street stall serving pho and it was pretty tasty. That's another great thing about traveling...there are people from all over the world here and really, everyone just becomes your friend. You can strike up a conversation with someone and sit there for 2 hours talking and at the end of it realize you might not know that person's name, but you know their story. It's been great.
The second day we had a bit of a history day. We went to the Hoa Lo Prison (also known as the "Hanoi Hilton"). It was used first for Vietnamese prisoners who were against French colonization and then for US pilots that were captured during the Vietnamese war. It was quite eye opening for me as an American to see a different perspective on the war in Vietnam. There are so many things that I never learned in school that was talked about at the prison turned museum. It was also a rather somber event seeing how the Vietnamese revolutionaries were treated in the prison. The museum had a section all about the US pilots who were kept there. They had some items that belonged to John McCain as well as other POWs. That was pretty cool to see. We also went to the Vietnam History Museum. While that was also cool, it was also kind of a bust. Most of the exhibits were all pretty ancient stuff and there wasn't any modern history information. There was however a very cool exhibit all about lamps. That may sound weird, but there were some very intricate and beautifully made lamps. I've also always been fond of seeing all of the carving works. Whether its wood or stone, some of these works are just jaw-dropping. The minute detail put into these pieces of art are stunning.
In the evening, we went to a Water Puppet Show. These are very popular in Hanoi as they are an ancient art form of entertainment. The show is so cool. I don't know how they manage to move these marionette type puppets under water, but they do. And the music was also very beautiful. It all just felt very authentic. One very nice thing about Hanoi compared to my time in Guiyang is that there is so much English here. While watching the show, they had subtitles in English so I actually knew what was going on and what the significance was behind the different performances of the puppets.
Thursday was definitely my favorite day in Hanoi. We went out to Halong Bay to celebrate Amber's birthday. The bay was simply stunning. After a 3 hour bus ride through rain, we arrived at the coast to mostly clear skies and sunshine. The tour included a boat ride around the bay (which included a very delicious lunch!), kayaking in the bay for a short while, a tour through two different caves that are in the bay, and basically a lot of time soaking up the sun. We spent most of the day with a group of Irish folks who were part of our tour. There were also a few people from Australia and New Zealand. The day turned out to be so beautiful and the sights were just great. It was exactly what this California/beach deprived girl needed. Though we didn't get time to swim or spend much time in the water, it was great to just see the ocean. When we got dropped off at our hostel after the tour, we discovered we were actually dropped off at our hostel. So we wandered around lost for a little while when we stumbled upon the Bubble Bar. We would have walked right on past if it weren't for the beautiful sign saying "America Day: Free Beer 8-10" so of course we had to do our patriotic duty and celebrate America Day with a free Biere Larue beer (ps, its super good beer if you haven't had it). We then had some delicious pho for dinner with a guy from Florida that we met. All-in-all, it was a successful 4th of July.
Now today we are preparing to leave Hanoi and head down south to HCMC. It will only be a short stopover in Vietnam's largest city as tomorrow morning we are making our way into Cambodia. Though my time in Vietnam has been brief, it has definitely been great. I can't wait until I have the opportunity to come back and stay for longer. I also really want an opportunity to see more of Vietnam. It has been a great place with wonderful, friendly people, delicious food and drinks, and just greatness all around.
The hostel we are staying at, Central Backpackers Hostel, is incredibly awesome. It is extremely budget friendly but not a stinkhole either. For 5 bucks a night I've had a comfortable bed to sleep in, a hot shower, free beer, and a very accomodating staff taking care of me. We are right in the heart of everything that is great about Hanoi. The Old French Quarter is only a couple blocks away as is Hoan Kiem Lake.
One major positive of Vietnam is everything is SOO CHEAP! I don't think I ever spent more than $3 for a meal, $2 for a beer, or $5 for an activity. I really don't understand how everything back home is so expensive. I swear, I can live for a year in Asia for the same cost of living at home for a month. And I can probably live just as comfortably and healthier here also. That is what I call "winning".
So I'm going to give a hole lump sum of my time in Hanoi in this one post.
The first day we got here around noon. We checked into the hostel and relaxed for a couple hours because it had been a long night of traveling and airports and we both needed a rest. We then took off to find the lake but went the wrong way and got a little lost. We did find a lake (the wrong one, and much smaller) and eventually we figured our way back to the right area and to the actual Hoan Kiem Lake. Another great thing about Hanoi is that there are cafes on practically every corner. Every couple hours we would stop somewhere to get a snack, smoothie, or coffee. Vietnamese iced coffee is one of the most delicious things I have ever had. There is also a super yummy dipping sauce that is served with most meals that is to die for. I have also had some pretty good smoothies too. Man, I love this city for the smoothies alone. We went out for dinner that first night with a girl staying in our dorm room. We found a street stall serving pho and it was pretty tasty. That's another great thing about traveling...there are people from all over the world here and really, everyone just becomes your friend. You can strike up a conversation with someone and sit there for 2 hours talking and at the end of it realize you might not know that person's name, but you know their story. It's been great.
The second day we had a bit of a history day. We went to the Hoa Lo Prison (also known as the "Hanoi Hilton"). It was used first for Vietnamese prisoners who were against French colonization and then for US pilots that were captured during the Vietnamese war. It was quite eye opening for me as an American to see a different perspective on the war in Vietnam. There are so many things that I never learned in school that was talked about at the prison turned museum. It was also a rather somber event seeing how the Vietnamese revolutionaries were treated in the prison. The museum had a section all about the US pilots who were kept there. They had some items that belonged to John McCain as well as other POWs. That was pretty cool to see. We also went to the Vietnam History Museum. While that was also cool, it was also kind of a bust. Most of the exhibits were all pretty ancient stuff and there wasn't any modern history information. There was however a very cool exhibit all about lamps. That may sound weird, but there were some very intricate and beautifully made lamps. I've also always been fond of seeing all of the carving works. Whether its wood or stone, some of these works are just jaw-dropping. The minute detail put into these pieces of art are stunning.
In the evening, we went to a Water Puppet Show. These are very popular in Hanoi as they are an ancient art form of entertainment. The show is so cool. I don't know how they manage to move these marionette type puppets under water, but they do. And the music was also very beautiful. It all just felt very authentic. One very nice thing about Hanoi compared to my time in Guiyang is that there is so much English here. While watching the show, they had subtitles in English so I actually knew what was going on and what the significance was behind the different performances of the puppets.
Thursday was definitely my favorite day in Hanoi. We went out to Halong Bay to celebrate Amber's birthday. The bay was simply stunning. After a 3 hour bus ride through rain, we arrived at the coast to mostly clear skies and sunshine. The tour included a boat ride around the bay (which included a very delicious lunch!), kayaking in the bay for a short while, a tour through two different caves that are in the bay, and basically a lot of time soaking up the sun. We spent most of the day with a group of Irish folks who were part of our tour. There were also a few people from Australia and New Zealand. The day turned out to be so beautiful and the sights were just great. It was exactly what this California/beach deprived girl needed. Though we didn't get time to swim or spend much time in the water, it was great to just see the ocean. When we got dropped off at our hostel after the tour, we discovered we were actually dropped off at our hostel. So we wandered around lost for a little while when we stumbled upon the Bubble Bar. We would have walked right on past if it weren't for the beautiful sign saying "America Day: Free Beer 8-10" so of course we had to do our patriotic duty and celebrate America Day with a free Biere Larue beer (ps, its super good beer if you haven't had it). We then had some delicious pho for dinner with a guy from Florida that we met. All-in-all, it was a successful 4th of July.
Now today we are preparing to leave Hanoi and head down south to HCMC. It will only be a short stopover in Vietnam's largest city as tomorrow morning we are making our way into Cambodia. Though my time in Vietnam has been brief, it has definitely been great. I can't wait until I have the opportunity to come back and stay for longer. I also really want an opportunity to see more of Vietnam. It has been a great place with wonderful, friendly people, delicious food and drinks, and just greatness all around.
 |
| Women's Quarters in Hoa Lo Prison |
 |
| John McCain's flight suit |
 |
| Water Puppets showing courting rituals |
 |
| some cultural influence from India |
 |
| Halong Bay and karst formations! |
 |
| Kayaking in the bay. |
 |
| I can see the light. |
 |
| Vietnam sunset |
 |
| St. Joseph's Cathedral |
 |
| Hoan Kiem Lake |
 |
| Spring Rolls..yum! |
Monday, July 1, 2013
Roll With The Punches
So I have officially left China. I am currently lounging in the HK airport awaiting my connecting flight to Hanoi, Vietnam. I should be sleeping (it's 3am) but its too bright and too loud and someone definitely just farted.
Some of you may know that I was already supposed to be in Vietnam, but mother nature had other plans and our first flight was delayed causing us to miss the second leg of our three part journey. We got pushed back a full 24 hours but the airline set us up in a hotel for the night and arranged our new flight.
At first I was a little peeved. We lost a day in Hanoi and were stranded in Guangzhou and blah blah blah. But sometimes disruptions to your plans can be a blessing in disguise. This was definitely one of those times. We were able to relax for a full day, take a good and long hot shower, eat free for a day...the list goes on. Our hotel had wifi, comfy beds, AC. For being "stranded" we were pretty well taken care of.
Most importantly, I got a day of peace, quiet, and reflection. Amber and I had separate rooms so I spent a large majority of my day resting and just thinking back on the last 4 months and looking forward to the next month. I still don't know if I can put into words how much Guiyang means to me. How much my students mean to me. How sad I was to leave behind friends and new family. Having one more day to think about all of that before being thrown into the tumultuous adventure of back packing through southeast Asia helped me come to grips with my departure from my new home.
Guiyang will always be my China home. The experiences I had there will never be forgotten. The person I became there will never be lost. Living in Guiyang and being a teacher has given me a new perspective on life. I see things through a new and improved filter. I've come to appreciate life just a little bit more. I am more brave and confident then I have ever been before. I trust myself and my instincts. Saying goodbye to my students was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Tears were shed and hearts were breaking. Not all the kids understood that it was a final goodbye. As sad as I was to say goodbye, I know that everything about that place will always be carried with me in my heart. I'm so grateful for being given the opportunity to experience all that I did: feeling the unconditional love of a child, walking through ancient towns, eating weird food, falling down, getting back up, waking up with a cockroach on my head....it is all part of my China story. It is all part of who I am. It is all part of why I love it and why I'm coming back.
So was I angry when I missed my first connecting flight? Heck yeah. But if I didn't miss it, I may not have been able to find peace in the closing of this chapter. I probably would have jumped straight into chapter two in order to avoid the feelings of sadness. But that's why you gotta roll with the punches. Getting angry or frustrated with circumstances that are beyond your control will only do harm. Expect that elusive unexpected. Prepare to not be prepared. Know that your plans may change and know that that's okay. You're out there in the world living and experiencing. And life can be messy and unpredictable. Embrace it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)