A Jumbled Mess of Everything

Holy mackerel. Today is the last day of March. And I haven't posted in my blog in over two months now. Bad Ashley! But here I am, attempting to fill in the gaps of the last two months, what I did, what I saw, what I smelled and ate and dreamed and achieved.

Where to begin? The month of February was an interesting one indeed. I quickly had to face my least favorite part about being in China: saying good bye.

China can be evil sometimes by letting you meet all these amazing people. But then, many of those people don't stay in China very long and there seems to just be a constant flow of people coming and going. For awhile, I was determined to just not make many friends so there would be fewer farewells. But one friend I couldn't deny was Clara!! Major shout out to you girl and I miss you like crazy and wish you could come back to China! Soo yes, I had to say bye to Clara early in February, right before the new semester started. But before that, we had quite a few last minute China adventures including going to the Nanjing Zoo, going to Shanghai for her birthday, and seeing the Confucius temple in Nanjing.

Then school started and I swear I don't know how I'm so busy. There seems to be an extra collection of small tasks being added here and there. Some of them are fun, some a little more mundane, but all time consuming nonetheless.

Then you gotta throw in all the new China Horizons teachers in the Nanjing-Zhenjiang-Yangzhong area. Since early February, I've been getting to know a great group of people and forming new friendships that are just fantastic. Even if many of you are bed hogs, I still love you.


And I seriously can't believe that tomorrow is April. Like, what the heck man?! Spring is in full force in Nanjing with flowers blooming everywhere. I'm not sure what I'm enjoying more, the way they look or the way they smell. Regardless, I feel like I've stepped into a colorful and scented wonderland.

What else? UMMM IT SNOWED!! In February, this beach girl woke up and found snow falling outside her bedroom window. And then I walked to school...IN THE SNOW. It was so incredibly magical. I loved it. The wet feet make the whole thing slightly less desirable...but I'll take wet feet if it means making a snowman and walking during fresh snowfall and drinking hot cocoa and just not being able to wipe a goofy grin off your face for two days. Ya, I'll take it.


I spent a weekend in Shanghai which was fun. I stayed with an incredibly (I feel like I've been using that word a lot today...) tremendous family who made delicious food and made me feel like I was home again. It was nice to sleep in a real home and have home cooked meals and so many bagels. It was almost like going home for the weekend in college, minus bringing dirty laundry.  (oh, and the CRAZY car chase we went on after a Chinese driver was not too kind to the father of the family while driving us home...that was for sure an adventure).


But overall, life is pretty stinkin' good. Each day gets a little bit warmer (for the most part) and each day brings me more smiles and laughter... and more importantly each day brings me one day closer to the beach and burritos in America!! oh, and my family and friends too ;)

Well, I'm mostly writing just to prove I'm still alive and have things worth writing about. This was slightly lazy and not thought out and as the title suggest, a jumbled mess.

Much love.

Words.

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. My mind has been racing a million miles an hour. Never slowing down, never taking break. I've had many sleepless nights. Do you ever wish that life could be like the sci-fi novels? Where you can just can lie down at night and turn a switch and you fall asleep until a preset time and then viola! you wake up? Well, I don't think I wish that was life...but I do wish I could turn my brain off.

Also, I've been bad (as I say every time) about writing in my blog frequently. Especially when I actually have so many things to say. For example, one week ago today, my dad was in China! So was my uncle. So shout out to you dad and Uncle Jim! It was a week ago that they left China. So crazy how time flies... But this post isn't about them. That's gonna come some time soon (hopefully).

This post is about words. Words are funny things. They have set meanings, they have implied meanings, they have inferred meanings...they have the meaning we wish we could convey but we can't find the right word so we say the wrong word. They have the meaning that we want to hear instead of what we actually hear.

Words are powerful. And the lack of words is also powerful.  And right now, I find myself to be enslaved by words.

Words I've said and regret.

Words I can't seem to say but desperately wish I could.

Words that I wish other people would say but don't.

Words that other people do say that I don't want to hear.

Words.

They follow us everywhere .

One of the words that is particularly haunting me right now: Hope.

Hope is a funny word. I mean, it has this strange power over us. When we have hope, when we speak of hope, we become optimistic. Hope gives us something to look forward to in the darkest of situations. It keeps people moving when they think they can't go any further.  But hope can also be a sneaky little jerk. It leaves you clinging on to the edge of the cliff when really you should have let go a long time ago.  Hope is that quiet whisper, telling you maybe there is a chance...when reality is repeatedly smacking you in the face,  trying to rouse you from a cloudy stupor. I'm not really sure which version of hope is better or if you can really compare the two. Hope has brought me great joy and it has brought me great pain. But I think that's kind of the beauty of hope; because if you truly believe in the power of hope, even when it let's you down, you have to realize that it will pick you back up again.

And what about if/but?

These two words drive me crazy. "if" this was different then... or "blah blah blah is true, BUT....blah blah blah" The fact of the matter is our world isn't black and white. It's red and green and purple and orange and brown. So many times I want to believe if something is so, then it is just that. BUT (ugh I hate it) life isn't always what we want it to be. And regardless of desires and wants, there are harsh realities that we have to face. As much as I want to believe we could live in a world without ifs and buts, we just can't. Because circumstances change everything. And just because you want something to be so, doesn't mean it will be. You may think you have all the answers, but guess what? Someone else thinks they have the answers too. And well, life isn't as easy as bubbling in C. Our varying opinions and beliefs are what give life to ifs and buts. And as much as I hate hearing ifs and buts, I would never want to live in a world where they don't exist. Because then we wouldn't have choices.

Another funny word? Love.

What is love? I mean really? We throw around the word love so much. Heck, pretty much every person I talked to today, I told them I love them. And I mean, I do love them and I do love a lot of people. But I also said I loved the dinner I cooked for myself. And I could say that I loved the book I finished reading. I love strawberries. I love the Angels. I love sunshine. But what is love? Scientists will tell you its some chemicals firing around in your brain. Cool. Romantics will tell you its "just a feeling...you'll know it when you feel it". Well, I don't know if I've ever felt love before. Well, that's not accurate to say. I've definitely felt love...but have I been in love? That I can't answer. Will I know it when it happens? Again, I don't know. I've been wondering a lot lately about what love is. Sometimes I get this idea that love can't be one-sided. In order to truly know love, it has to be returned. If the object of your love doesn't know your feelings, and doesn't at least in some way, return those feelings (maybe not with love, but at least I don't know, acknowledgement?) then, is your love real? That, I really don't know. Sometimes I think that love has to be returned to be real; I mean, love is action. Its not enough to say it or feel it, you need to act it, live it, show it. Maybe love is what you make it to be. For one person, it could be the butterflies in the stomach, endless nights of thinking of the same person, stuttering through your words because your brain just turns to mush when that person talks to you. For others, it might be based on practicality. Can this person provide for me? Will I be happy with this person? Do we get along? Can we resolve arguments? I think any sane person would have to combine a little of all of that to find "true love". There's no fun in just looking at the facts of the matter and it is incredibly foolish to jump head into something due to a fluttering in your tummy.

A word that I like: ominous.

When you hear that word, doesn't it just kinda give you goosebumps? When I hear that word, I instantly picture a storm rolling in on the horizon. Dark clouds...the beginnings of wind...maybe a few rain drops. And then before you know it that storm is right upon you and you are stuck in this flurry of a world with pounding rain and screaming winds and roads become mud pits and its just pure chaos. Maybe its just me.

There are so many other words that keep playing through my mind.

Time. Distance. Forgiveness. Friendship.

What each of these things means to me. How my meaning may relate to another person's meaning. How differences in meaning can tear people apart, or how similarities can bring you together.

Time can easily be your friend or your enemy. Time goes too fast...it goes too slow.

Distance. Man, has that word been a major pain in my butt for the last year. Moving half way around the world, well that's quite a large distance. And it strains relationships. But, when the distance grows larger from one thing, it grows closer to another thing.

Forgiveness.  It's easier said than done in most cases. When we seek advice, it's always so easy to say, well just forgive. But when it comes to actually having to forgive, we shrink up. I don't want to be a slave to the shadows of my past, begging me for forgiveness. And I don't want to be on the other end, begging for a second, third or fourth chance. But the longer we hold on to those grudges, the longer we'll be weighed down. And forgiveness doesn't have to be followed by acceptance. It is such a double edged sword because any time we are wronged we want justice, and we want those who wronged us to suffer. But when we have wronged another, we will grovel and beg until forgiveness is granted.

Friendship. I wish I could say that every friendship in my life was perfect. But its not. And I'm pretty sure all my friends can attest to that. I've lost friends, gained friends, just like everyone. I've been "friend dumped" and I've "dumped" a few friends myself. And well, no matter how you shake it, it always sucks when a friendship ends. And the older I get, the more I realize that I have to fight for the friends that I have.  We aren't in high school anymore where we see our besties every day and are guaranteed a minimum amount of time with them every day. We're adults now. We live in different states, countries, time zones.We have jobs and families and responsibilities. And I know this is an area that I have failed in. I took for granted people who were there for me and just figured that they would continue to be there for me when I got my head out of my butt. Well, people don't wait forever when you're being an idiot. But regardless of what has happened in the past and for the mistakes that were made, I know that I have been truly blessed to have all the friends that I have had and do still have. Each one has contributed to my life in numerous ways and I wouldn't be the person I am today without them.

And of course, I have to end this with my favorite word...

And its been my favorite word since 7th grade because I'm awesome like that.

BONANZA.

Endings and Beginnings

I've been thinking long and hard about what I would say when I would finally sit down and think about the last year and the year to come. Each time, I come to the same beginning, the same middle, and the same end. The year 2013 started for me with a road trip. We were going on a family trip to Lake Tahoe and I was trying my best to cherish each moment. Of course, constantly in my mind was the same thought: within the next month, I would be leaving for China. I remember sitting in the car and talking about all the food I would miss, chili fries, burgers, frozen yogurt, Starbucks...but what I wasn't thinking about was how much I was going to gain.

The next few weeks were a blur. I finished working, I moved out of my apartment and left San Diego, and I was essentially living out of my car and a few boxes and bags until the great departure. Every emotion known to man was coursing through my body during those days. Excitement, fear, happiness, sadness, curiosity; you name it, I felt it. Time seemed to be going at warp speed and slow motion at the same time. And then it was finally the day. February 13th was my last full day at home. I remember that day with such clarity. Having breakfast with my family, going bowling, visiting my grandma, running around like a crazy woman buying last minute things. And packing packing packing.  You would think that a 6 month adventure would require sooner packing, but nope. I finished packing a mere few hours before I left for the airport. And then the most incredible adventure of my life began.

I remember the exact moment I knew that I made the right decision in coming to China. I was sitting on the beach in Hong Kong and finally the spark was ignited. I knew that my life would change before I left. I knew that I would experience new things, make new friends, lose some things and gain others. But it was that day on the beach that I realized just how much everything could change. It was that day that I fell in love. Now, this is hard to explain because I don't really understand it myself. Nothing really happened that day except a decision was made.  I decided to embrace the saying "come what may." It was that attitude that helped me make every decision to come.  It was that attitude that made me realize when I wrote in my journal on February 23rd "it's crazy how seriously I am considering returning to teach in the fall"  I wasn't bluffing. And it made me realize the small spark from that day on the beach had turned into a flame. And the flame eventually became a fire. Most of my friends and my family thought I was crazy for wanting to come back. How could I know after 2 weeks that I wanted to stay in China? I mean even I thought I was crazy. Its difficult for me to put into words how I knew. Because sometimes in life, you just know. I guess its how all the fancy authors describe falling in love. Or all those songs you hear on the radio and you wonder how the lyricist managed to put into words your indescribable feelings.  Well, I just knew. I truly believe that my path to China was paved by God. And the roots that I have now established here are also due to Him. That is how I know I am doing the right thing. That is why I know that I am meant to be here. I don't have all the answers yet. I don't know if I'll be here for a year or two or maybe forever. But I do know that I couldn't throw away this opportunity or this life. It was a gift of change. It was an opportunity given to me to become the person I was meant to become. And slowly but surely, I know I'm becoming that person.

So I thought I had planned out what I wanted to say in this blog post and as always, I've gone off track and now need to find my way back. If I had to pick one or two words to describe 2013, I'm sure many of you who regularly read my blog or know anything about me could guess at least one or both of the words. I'll give you a hint...they BOTH  start with "ch".  Well if you didn't at least guess China, to put it bluntly you are an idiot. Obviously, the biggest part of my year was coming to China. If you asked my on the first day of 2013 while I was sitting in the car for hours on end, I could have told you the biggest part of my year would be China. But I definitely never expected I would be ending 2013 in China. If you told me that I would go back to China, I would have thought you were on crazy pills. As I said before, I knew China would change me, but I really didn't expect it to become so much a part of me. I didn't think I would want to stay or come back. But here I am, sitting in a Starbucks in Nanjing, listening to Mozart and blogging. I mean, honestly, who am I?!

And that brings me to my second "ch" word: CHANGE. Now change got the capital treatment because I think it actually played a bigger role in my life than China did. However, most of that change was due to China. So I guess they were both equally important. I have changed in so many ways that it would take not only my fingers and toes, but the hairs on my head as well to start counting them all. I know that most of my changes have been for the better, and I also know that I still have a lot of room to grow. Over the last month or so, I've been struggling with somewhat of an identity crisis. There have been so many changes that sometimes I really just forget who I am. And at times I've really struggled with trying to reconcile the "old" me with the "new" me. Sometimes I wonder why I've made some of the changes. Did I do it for myself? Was it a conscious decision to make the change or did it just gradually happen? What was my motivation for change or did I even have one? And are these changes even permanent or just a current fixture that will pass with time? I can't answer any of those questions. Well, maybe I could but I don't think the answers really matter. What does matter is that overall, I'm happy.

Now some of these changes are incredibly superficial and insignificant. Some are bigger and rather life-altering. For example, my favorite food is no longer...wait, what was my favorite food before? Um, I really loved spaghetti and I guess if I had to pick a favorite meal at home it would be my dad's grilled tri tip and potatoes...oh wait a second; while I was home, the thing I ate the most by far was El Burrito Jr...a surfer's special to be exact. I don't know how that didn't come to mind right away, it actually scares me a little to realize that I forgot how much I love bean and cheese burritos. But that just goes to show that now, without a doubt, my favorite food is di san xian. Or in other words, this magical Chinese dish comprised of eggplant, potatoes, and green bell peppers.  It is amazingly delicious and I could eat it every day. It is just that good.  Now I could go on forever in just how my taste palate has changed in the last year, but talking about food will only make me hungry and honestly, for you to know how many foods that I like now that I never liked before would just waste my time and yours. Others ways in which I've changed include more confidence, higher self worth, becoming a teacher, seeing the world, being more open to new ideas and thoughts and experiences.  And as I already said, there are many ways in which I can continue to change. I've definitely become a more shy and quiet person, which is probably the biggest shock of all. I'm not as outspoken as I used to be. I've definitely lost some of my crazy spontaneity. Whether that's a good thing or not, I don't know. One of my other biggest changes is something that I wasn't sure I wanted to write about. But, everyone who reads this either sees my in person or sees my photos on Facebook so you probably already know so I figured why the heck not talk about it.  This year, I have some how managed to do something that I have tried and failed to do for quite a long time. I've gotten healthier and I've lost some weight. And I mean, to not beat around the bush, I've lost over 60 pounds. Which is pretty crazy and cool I guess. I mean, it's a big deal. It's just weird to think about. I didn't try or do anything different except I moved to China. So let that tell you what you want it to tell you.

So the year of China and change, 2013 you have been one for the record books. I've made friends, I've lost friends. I've crossed things off my bucket list. I've seen the parts of the world that I never even imagined I would see. I have felt some of the greatest joy and some of the deepest sadness. I wouldn't change a single thing that happened. I know that it wouldn't be fair for me to hold 2014 to the standard set by 2013, but I think that from here on out, my life is just going to continue to get better. The changes I've made and that have occurred in my life really have given me a new perspective on life. I have found a new purpose, a new reason. And knowing that I am living a life that is making a difference, an impact, not only on my life but on the lives of others has given me the assurance beyond a doubt that 2013 has been the best year of my life so far. I can only hope that I can continue to grow in a positive way. I can only hope that 2014 will bring me the same blessings, the same happiness, the same sadness that has all contributed to the person I am right now in this moment. And I am most thankful that I have found my way back to living a more Christ-centered life. I have plenty of room for improvement, but my greatest blessing has been finding myself through Him again.

2013, I salute you. 2014, I welcome you with an open mind, open heart, and open arms.

Edits, Corrections, Forgiveness?

So this will probably be the shortest and also most random blog I have ever posted. In my last post about Thanksgiving and be happy and blah blah blah, I made a comment something along the lines of:

"and Brad brought oreos (yes, I did just call you out for bringing oreos)"

This here is my public plea for forgiveness for ever so brazenly calling you out on my blog.

I in fact told Brad to "just bring oreos".

In my defense, I said that because I knew he would just bring oreos.

But nonetheless, my sincerest apology for calling you out.

Please refer to the rest of the blog though in which I give glowing reviews of all my wonderful friends and how so much of my happiness is due to them.

ahem.

That is all.

Gratitude = Happiness

So at the beginning of the semester, I taught my students about the saying "the best ever" and I've kind of realized in the last few days I have been saying that phrase...a lot. I mean, how often do we call a day "the best day ever"? Or say that we couldn't possibly picture feeling happier or more alive? Well, I gonna say it again and I'm sure it won't be the last time, but I'm pretty sure I just had the best two days of my life. And I firmly believe that my happiness is directly linked to the spirit of Thanksgiving. You can't have true happiness unless you fully appreciate and be grateful for the things you've been blessed with. And man have I been truly blessed. 

For starters, I'm in China. Never in a million years did I think I would even go to China for vacation. I always thought my life would lead me to one grand traveling adventure and that adventure was always going to take me to Europe. But then life threw me a curve ball and said "hey Ashley, why don't you check out China?" and so I did. And I fell in love. And then I got to see parts of the world I didn't even think to dream about seeing. Windows and doors and gates and heck, alleys have opened up to me that I just honestly couldn't even imagined to be part of my life. And here I am, living out this adventure, and I really can't even aptly name it an adventure because it is just my life. I am so incredibly grateful that China has become a part of my story. And I don't even know how to express how blessed I feel to be here, doing what I'm doing, meeting the people I'm meeting. 

And to back it up a little bit, I absolutely love Thanksgiving. I'm pretty sure it's my favorite food. It just screams to me family and food and football. I mean, those are the three most important F's I guess...oh I forgot friends. Friends are important too. The four most important F's, and that's way more appropriate since four also starts with F. But I was kinda dreading Thanksgiving because I was sure it would bring on an incurable bout of homesickness. And I'm not gonna sit here and say that I didn't miss home on Thursday because I did. I felt like I should have been peeling potatoes at the table while my dad smothered a naked turkey with butter and we blasted classic rock. Or I should have been sitting on the couch with my sister and aunts and uncles and cousins watching football and stealing deviled eggs from the fridge in the garage while Nanny wasn't looking. 

But instead, I taught 6 classes and ate a rather mediocre school lunch and a not so thrilling dinner. That may sound gloomy, but it wasn't. I love my students. I love seeing their enthusiasm and excitement planning a skit that they really shouldn't be excited about. I love introducing my elective course students to country music and seeing them bop their heads up and down while doing their homework and listening to a Tim McGraw song. And my anticipation for the next two days didn't really allow me to feel sad anyway. Sure, again I wish I could have been home to celebrate with my family and stuff my face with delicious food. But I probably wouldn't have fully realized what all I'm grateful for if that was what my day had been. I wouldn't have been able to reflect on all the past years and realize how good I've had it and how good my life will likely continue to be. And just knowing I have people back home loving me and missing me (and let's face it, missing my cooking) was enough. I just hope they all realize how much I love and miss them too. 

But as I said, I was anxiously anticipating the next two days. I managed to rope myself into planning a Thanksgiving type dinner for a group of Chinese friends. And I mean I definitely don't exactly know what I was thinking when I offered it, really I wasn't thinking. I just love to cook and hated knowing that they wouldn't be able to participate in the Thanksgiving meal we would be having on Saturday and I wanted a chance to give something to my friends that I could. Was I able to truly prepare a Thanksgiving meal? No. But the food you eat doesn't really matter when it comes to Thanksgiving. Its the people you're with and the friendship and love you share with those people. Its the gratitude you feel for getting to have those people be part of your life. And that is what I constantly reminded myself as I endlessly stressed about this dinner I planned.

When I plan a dinner party, I usually don't think about the logistics, I just feel the need to outdo whatever it was I did last. I always have to be better than myself. I also am somewhat a freak about planning. I think I usually hide that side of myself pretty well, but if you saw my notebook in the days leading up to this dinner, it would have made your head spin. It had various menus planned out, potential bedroom rearrangement to accommodate guests, budgets, time tables...I had it all mapped out and planned out and for once, things actually mostly followed my plan.  So anyway, I decided I would make BBQ chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, deviled eggs, a veggie salad, and rosemary bread. And I managed to successfully pull that all off on two hot plates and a rice cooker. Not gonna lie, I was pretty impressed with myself. My only short coming (because of course I have to criticize myself) is that I decided I wouldn't make a dessert and left that up to Brad and he brought Oreos (yes, I did just call you out, but I mean it in the nicest way possible). And I discovered that mango flavored oreos are actually good. So there you go. 

The dinner was wonderful. The food came out better than I could have hoped for, I didn't run out of food which is always a fear when feeding 12 (...I don't actually remember how many people there were now?). People seemed to truly enjoy themselves. Old friends got to catch up. New friends were made. Skip-Bo was played. Christmas music was listened to. I mean, you can't call the combination of all that anything but a success.  So there is day one of the two days of pure awesomeness. 

Day Two was something that I had really been looking forward to for a while. I had been invited to a Thanksgiving meal with real turkey and everything. There was also the "turkey bowl" in the morning...meaning I got to play football. It was practically like being in America for Thanksgiving. And from start to finish, Saturday was purely an amazing day. It started with dragging Clara to go play football with me. And though she was hesitant as she had never played football and was convinced it would be boring and awful, I'm pretty sure she had just as much a blast as I did. Except for the fact that my team totally kicked her team's butt. And I scored a touchdown. And I did a victory dance. So ya, I was flying on cloud nine and it was only 10am. I then had to rush home and get ready for the meal that was at 2pm. I had to finish baking my cake that was my contribution to the pot luck style meal. Because I couldn't quite make an pumpkin pie in my rice cooker (and I really don't like pumpkin pie anyway) I decided to attempt a caramel apple cake (which I also don't like baked apples, but I mean I figured that was more festive than a plain ol' cake). Clara also made a German potato salad to bring and we set off for the meal. 

Of course we were running late which I absolutely hated but there was nothing I could do about it. And to be honest, I was letting that fact weigh me down and I was letting other annoyances bring me down too. And as we walked from the metro to where the meal was, I pretty much came to the conclusion that my day was shot and I'd be in a bad mood and blah blah blah. But apparently the world had something else in store for me because even if I tried to have a bad time at the meal, I don't think I could have. I was surrounded by friends and food (and I had already played football that day). Three of my F's were fulfilled. And let's face it, sometimes friends are family. Every role was being fulfilled by someone in that large room. There were the old ladies who just screamed (not literally) of being the best grandma ever. There were the dad's embarrassing teenage daughters. There were little kids running around being adorable. I was 7000 miles away form home but there at the same time. The food was stellar, the entertaining talent show was just that, entertaining. It was great. And when I left, my cake container was empty so clearly I did something right in that department as well. I have to say again though how lucky and blessed I am for all I have. If it hadn't been for my amazing friends inviting me to that dinner, I wouldn't have found another piece of home in China. Some people are just so giving and kind and accepting. I was welcomed with open arms into a group of people that didn't know me. And for that I am grateful. I'm grateful that good people still exist in this world. I grateful that I am able to surround myself with such amazing and uplifting people. 

Now, if we really want to get down to why these two days were the best two days ever, anyone who knows anything about me and my life in China has to know how those two days ended. That's right KTV. And I am beyond thrilled because I am now the proud owner of my very own KTV VIP card. A new KTV place is opening up at the end of December and they currently are having a trial period special offer.  If you purchase their VIP card for 50 rmb, you get a voucher for 2 hours of free KTV. So basically you pay 50 rmb for two hours of KTV which is incredibly awesome. Now I've been to 4 or 5 different KTV places and each place has its own perks ranging from favorable price to song selection to cleanliness etc. This place had quite a good thing going for it. I'm not sure what the real prices are going to be when it opens for real, but this trial price deal definitely gives it an A+ for the time being. Its brand new so obviously it was clean and pretty and smelled good. Another A+. The room was small and cozy for our party size, in fact it was a perfect size for us, another A+. The room also had a tambourine and two maracas and a standing microphone that had free circular motion. This got it an A+++. Finally the song selection. I didn't really go to far in the depths of the song selection because we only had two hours. But they had my one staple song, "Chiquitita" and it had a song that I have been desperately searching for at KTV since I first came to China. So again, A+. For two hours I jumped around and sang my heart out until I had the raspiest voice and a slight headache. It was more than amazing. The only feeling occupying my mind, body, and soul was pure bliss. 

So yes, I had the two best days ever. And most of that is thanks to the people I spent those two days with. I don't think I could ever fully express my gratitude to those who make this life such a beautiful thing, but I'm going to keep trying. And as I said at the beginning, my happiness is so closely tied to the fact I can recognize how grateful I am. When I take the time to remember all I have to be grateful for, I also realize just how happy I am. Saying "thank you" or recognizing gratitude really is just a reflection on what you've been given, and how can you think about what you've been given without feeling happy for receiving it?  So yes. Thank you, thank you, thank you. This world has made me one happy girl. 

Tiny Humans

So I picked up an extra teaching gig here in China at a kindergarten recently. I've been there almost two months now and I can't help but proclaim my love for tiny humans. Now, I have nothing against babies and toddlers and kids in general back home, but I seriously believe that Chinese children are ten million times cuter than American (white) children; there, I said it and I mean it.  Chinese babies have the cutest chubby cheeks, pants with no butts, the best looks of curiosity towards foreigners.  I'm full on obsessed with Chinese babies.

Now, my kindergarten here is more what we would consider a preschool at home. I have four different classes, Pre-Nursery (2-3 years old), Nursery (3-4 years old), Kindergarten 1 (4-5 years old), and Kindergarten 2 (5-6 years old). Primary schools here start with first grade and most students start there at the age of six. I teach at the school three days a week and the classes range from 15-30 minutes based on the age group.


And if I haven't yet mentioned yet that these kids are darling and adorable and hilarious and just precious beyond belief, well I'm telling you now. Sometimes I dread having to teach there because I no longer have my four day weekend (ya I know, I was way too spoiled before) but every time I leave the kindergarten, I am usually ready to burst from love for these kids. They make me laugh and smile the entire time I'm there.

Do I get to teach them the most thrilling material? Heavens no. Am I able to command the attention of 20+ munchkins? Hardly. But that is more than okay. Each class has its own special quirks and perks. Each class has a stack of flash cards that we go through, a CD of songs, and the two kindergarten classes have books to learn letters, sounds, and words.

Pre Nursery is usually just a chaotic mess, but it is also my favorite class (no surprise there). There is one boy who squeals with delight when I walk into the room and just starts squeal shouting "Teacher! Teacher! Teacher!" and his giggle is something you wouldn't believe until you hear it. When I first started, there was one little girl in the class who just burst into tears at the sight of me, she was terrified of the scary weird looking teacher. But now she rushes up to me and says hello and actually participates in the class instead of hiding from me. Most of this class is spent singing and dancing with the kids and I'm pretty impressed with their ability to regurgitate English words (most of the time I don't think they know what they are saying, but its impressive nonetheless).

The Nursery class is probably the most difficult. There are over 30 children in this class and it seems like it grows every week. It is completely impossible to keep all of the kids entertained and focused on the class and at times it can be frustrating, but it is really impossible to actually get frustrated at them. They are just so young and cute and tiny and I can't help but love them. There is one boy in the class who is probably the most adorable child I have ever seen and I named him after my brother Matthew (I've given many of the kids English names). One time I saw Matthew at a little fruit market and he just start jumping up and down and opening his mouth like he wanted to say something and just didn't know what to say and he was so excited to see me outside of school he couldn't control himself. He blurted out "ni hao!!!" and his mom finally looked up and saw me and just started beaming. And then I said hello to him and he just repeated "hello hello hello" endlessly for several minutes before we both left. He is just beyond cute.

K1 is another great class. They are probably the best behaved and some of the students already have a great grasp of English. They can answer questions about the weather, their favorite season, animals, colors, activities...more than what some of my students in Guiyang could do. This class is also very big, with almost 30 students. One thing that I do in all of the classes is make sure they are up and moving and active usually every 5 minutes. It really is difficult for them to sit so long and pay attention and learn so I break the classes up into several small sections. We do some flashcards and then stand and move around. We do some flashcards then sing a song. We do some flashcards and then do some role play or acting. The K1 class loves being active. They recently learned words like such as jump rope, ride a bike, play the guitar/piano etc.  They favorite thing to do now is a game called "teacher says, student does" so I'll tell them jump rope and they have to pretend to jump rope. We've had some near fatalities with a few students getting a little too into the guitar. And seeing them "ride a bike" is a sight to behold.

K2 is obviously the best at English. They are all preparing to enter primary school and many of them do have great English skills. There is one student from Serbia in the class and she speaks Serbian, Chinese, and English at 6 years old. Some of these kids are way too smart for their age. Its easy to tell that a large chunk of their English comes straight from memorization and I'm pretty certain none of them can truly read or write, but you can't deny how impressive it is.

So, all in all, I love it. I love these kids. I love the chorus of "hello" and "goodbye" I get whenever they see me. I love that in PN, one little boy always helps me walk out of the classroom by pushing on my butt. I love their smiles and laughter and even when they cry. The world is a much better place because of tiny humans.

Some Things Never Change

So, I realize I have been massively failing at writing in my blog since I left Guiyang. Especially since I've been in Nanjing, I just have had a lull in writing. Mostly because I feel like I don't have anything to say. And partially because I feel like I'm not really doing anything exciting. I mean, I'm not visiting all these cool places every weekend like I did in Guiyang. I'm really just kind of working and living. I'm eating and sleeping.Walking places and watching TV and playing card games and just doing a bunch of boring things. Basically, its like living at home, except I'm doing it all in China.

Even though I am in this completely different world and everything is so Chinese, its nice to knew that somethings just don't change. For example:

I am still just as accident prone as ever. And basically bad luck just follows me around wherever I go. I can be walking normally one second and then be flat on my behind the next because apparently gravity and I just don't get along. I managed to be involved in a minor motorbike "accident" and a bicycle "accident" in the same week. That's something really only I could pull off.

Then, I managed to break not only my bicycle but someone else's too in one week time. On my bicycle, I managed to kick the kickstand right off. Then, the next week as I was riding my bike home, one of the pedals just magically fell off. When I borrowed a friends bike the next week, I managed to make one of her pedals fall off. Again, something only I could pull off.

There are also some good things that don't change or are at least the same no matter where I go.

Example: The smell of Starbucks.  I love that I can walk into a Starbucks in China and feel like I am back at the Square making lattes (and making a mess) and just having a fun time. I love that the music you hear in Chinese Starbucks is the same music you would hear in a US Starbucks.

I love when  I can hear a sound or smell a smell and it reminds me of a very specific moment or time in life. When life gives you this deja vu moment and you could just swear that you've lived this exact moment already.

I love that I can watch a Youtube video for the millionth time and still laugh like its the first time I've ever seen it.

Honestly, I think so much of people's unhappiness can so easily be avoided. And today was a day that I really noticed that. I mean, I've been struggling lately. I don't know if I've been missing home or what, but China has been extra challenging. And trust me, I know some days can be WAY harder than others. You always have to deal with a language and culture barrier and sometimes you just wish you could read a street sign or be able to say "excuse me" on the metro and not have to push your way through. But, you really can choose what you allow to bring you down. So many problems have a simple solution. If you're cold, put on a coat. If you're lonely, go outside and walk for two minutes and just smile at a stranger. If you're sad, watch "David After Dentist" and I guarantee you will be laughing in three minutes. And sure, some problems are bigger than that. And I don't get why people always feel the need to face their problems alone. That's just so dumb.

And now I have truly proved that some things never change. Because I totally just meant to post this tiny little blurb about really nothing and then I got off on like three different tangents and I don't even remember what I originally wanted to say.

Oh well.