Nothing is Perfect.

Alright, I admit it. China isn't perfect. I mean, obviously I've known this for some time. I mean, I didn't have hot water in my apartment for what, a month? But, for the most part, everything here has been so beyond amazing that sometimes I forget China isn't perfect. And then, when I'm reminded that China isn't perfect, it usually puts me in somewhat of a grumpy mood because I wasn't expecting it.

Nothing bad has happened. I still love it here. In fact, I'm not even really sure why I'm complaining and if I really am actually complaining. But whatever.

It gets really annoying how frequently my classes are getting cancelled right now. Mostly because I usually don't find out until I arrive at the class and either no one is there or all the students are getting ready to leave. Or, they cancel a class 10 minutes in because all the students have to go get shots. You would think it would be nice to surprisingly get the day off. But no, I miss my kids when I don't get to see them. They fall behind when they aren't in class. My time left here is quickly diminishing. I want to spend as much time with them as I possibly can.

The internet. If only I had a reliable internet connection, I don't know, maybe 90% of the time, I'd be overjoyed. But that's not the case. Okay, maybe I'm being too harsh. It's not that bad.

China can be pretty rough on clothes. I don't know what it is. Maybe because all my clothes get pulled on in several different direction by tiny hands every day. Maybe its our turbo speed spinning washing machine. Or the fact I wear the same 7 outfits constantly. Holes, holes, holes. If I'm not careful, I'll look like Tarzan soon.

I miss dairy. Milk. Coffee creamer. Cheese. Dairy is hard to come by in China. Or its expensive. Or, in the case of milk, its practically radioactive with a shelf life of forever.

I miss my family and friends. Though, if I'm being perfectly honest, I'd rather have them here in China with me then be at home with them.

And Mexican food. I don't know how I've survived almost 3 months without a burrito. It's a miracle.

Well China, you may not be perfect. But you sure are good enough for me. I do love you. Sometimes it feels a little one-sided. I mean, you do burn me quite frequently...make me fall in underground caves. Have people spill their boiling hot soup on me. But, you have given me over 320 children who love me further than the moon and back. You have given me a sense of purpose. You've weakened my immune system but you've fortified my heart, built up my courage, and transformed my self-esteem. You may not be perfect. But who am I to judge.

Just To See You Smile

In the last week, I’ve been thinking a lot about my students. After “the incident” (having to hear and see a student be beat by his mother at school), I’ve really been trying to make sure that I teach my students more than just English. I want to teach them love and kindness. The only way I know how to do that is to show them it every day. Sure there are days that they drive me crazy and send me nearly to my breaking point. But at the end of those days, I think of a funny thing that happened. The heartwarming moments far outnumber the pull-my-hair-out moments. There is really nothing I wouldn’t do to make my kids smile. After all, a smile on their faces is far more than likely to put a smile on mine.

Class One, Grade One

If these kids love anything, it’s dancing and singing. They have learned and memorized all of their unit songs with such gumption that I can’t help but play them all over and over again. Seeing them pretend to be dogs and rabbits and then quickly switching over to singing about oranges or bouncing balls and how much fun school is will make anyone smile. And singing along with them in my not so good voice makes it all the better.

Class Two, Grade One

One thing that has amazed me about so many of the Chinese people I have met is their ability to make jokes in English. Most of them claim to be very terrible at English, yet they throw out puns and jokes as if there was no tomorrow. My six year olds in this class do it better than the best. Their vocabulary is so incredibly small but they can intentionally make me laugh. The best example I can give is from when we were singing our “School is fun” song. At the end, it says “We are Number One!” and as soon as the tape cuts off from saying “one” I overhear one of my students singing “We are Number Twooooo!” I don’t know why I thought it was so funny, but they were clearly pleased for making me laugh.

Class Three, Grade One

Now these kids are as rowdy as can be. If there is ever a moment in class that I am not keeping them active and participating, I will lose their attention instantaneously. Any and everything is exciting to these kids. It’s an endless chorus of, “Ashley, what’s this?” while pointing to various things. One even tried to get me to explain why girls look different in the front. I figured they should get that particular explanation from their parents.

Class One, Grade Two

Beliebers of the world, watch out! This group of 40 seven year old Chinese kids will have you beat in adoration and passion when it comes to the Beibs. I had one boy in near tears when I put on one of his songs as a reward for keeping an A+ grade for the whole week. Another student was dancing his little heart out, like nothing else mattered. I can’t even say the word “baby” in the class without these kids freaking out. It’s quite comical. I had a very touching moment with one of the students in this class the other day. She was standing at the top of a stairway and trying to high five me when she dropped her folder. Of course the folder goes over the handrail and into the 4 ft. high bushes at ground level. She immediately starts crying because she thought her folder was lost forever. So what do I do? Start climbing through the bushes, trying to block out images of spiders, rodents, or who knows what else. I find the folder and the girl just instantly clings to me, crying even harder than before. For the next ten minutes it was an endless stream of “I love you so much” with tears soaking up my shirt.

Class Two, Grade Two

Even though this class is probably my class that behaves the worst, I love them the most. There are definitely methods I’ve found to get them to listen more and talk less, but I think it is best to just let them be themselves. I’ve had to adjust a lot of lesson plans in order to fit their style of teaching. But I can tell how much they are learning. Repetition has become my best friend with them. And it’s no wonder their favorite thing ever is “Five Little Monkeys” because they are all just a bunch of monkeys. One boy (Jason) will literally run up to me and just jump as if I were a tree to climb. He then climbs up me using only his legs. One of my favorites, Bill, also feels the need to explain everything to me. And he wears the cutest little sweaters and rubs his belly every five seconds. I have one girl, Rainbow, who loves to play with hair and would die if she ever got the chance to put mine in knots. Then there is Tim. He holds quite a special place in my heart. He’s a rather sensitive boy and gets really upset over what seems like really minor things. I’ve tried so many times to explain to him that he doesn’t need to worry, but his reassurances never seem to last long. But I love that every time he sees me, he’ll blow a kiss and then he always catches the one I blow to him.

Class Three, Grade Two

So I love these kids. Their Chinese teacher is as sweet as can be but she is also terrifying. It’s as if they try really really hard to behave in class, but then they eventually give up and become a rioting mob of children. But there are a few things that stick out in this class, particularly Yoyo and Nick. They always sit next to each other, and I’ve basically already written their love story. Dating is strictly forbidden at the school, but I just can’t get over how cute I think they look together (they are seven, but still!). They are both super short and completely heart-meltingly adorable. Yoyo has a little bowl cut type haircut and purple glasses and she is so incredibly smart. Nick has the chubbiest cheeks you’ve ever seen and the shyest but most sincere smile.

Class One, Grade Three

Now the older the students get, the more defiant they start to become. I definitely struggle more with my third graders. There is still quite a bit of a language barrier between me and them which makes it difficult to try and discipline the bad behavior. This class is also particularly hard because the students are in different English levels. Half of them use the same book as my 2^nd graders and half use what the 4^th graders are learning out of. So I always have half a class mad at me for not choosing their book. It can get difficult at time, but I have seen a lot of growth in some of the students. One boy, Tom, has always been one of my favorites. He’s the one I would smuggle home in my suitcase if I could. There is also one girl, Amy, who I can always rely on to be paying attention and trying her best. Even when she makes mistakes, she is eager to correct them. I love seeing the light bulb of recognition and understanding go off as their little brains make connections.

Class One, Grade Four

And finally I get to the kings of the floor, fourth grade.  For the most part, all of these kids want to prove themselves. The whole class is a chorus of “let me try!” (side note, whoever thought it was a good idea to teach these kids those three little words is just pure evil).  It is next to impossible to call on anyone because I often try to instill the policy of “raise your hand”. But when that is simultaneous with shouting, it never works out too well. The semester started with really only one student (a girl named Yonex) who wanted to get called on for everything. Now I have about 10 of the 40 students actively participating and raising their hand for nearly every question and exercise. I have seen so much growth in these students. Their reading skills have increased, they can now write sentences on their own, and can have full conversations with me in English. Pretty much every class we have together, another student starts volunteering. Every time a new kids raises his or her hand, I do a little victory dance on the inside.

So, if it isn’t clear yet, I love my kids. I originally intended for this post to be short and sweet. I was just gonna tell a story about my “Five Little Monkeys” but it turned into so much more. It’s the weekend, and even though I only spend two days apart from them, I miss my students. I don’t smile as much when they aren’t around. I would do anything just to see them smile. Even if it means crawling on the ground outside after a fresh rain (yes, I did this). Even if it means getting climbed on, poked, and being endlessly sick. I’ll take it. Because the warmth of their hug, the soft little pecks on my cheek, and the shouts of “I love you!” will forever be ingrained into who I am. These 300+ children will always hold a special place in my heart. I’ll never forget those smiles.

Tianhe Ta Scenic Spot.

One downside of living in California (and let's get real, there aren't many) is that I was living a life in semi-color. Not until I came to China did I realize how many shades of green exist in the natural world! Holy smokes, it is so beautiful! Seeing trees, grass, weeds, moss, even icky lakes...all in different shades of green. Simply stunning and beautiful. Also dirt. Who knew dirt could be such a beautiful thing?! This last week there was a national holiday in China so we only had classes Monday-Wednesday. We originally had plans to go out of town, but those got postponed because of illness (finally not on my part too!). So, we adjusted our plans and decided to stick close to home. We planned a day of shopping, a day of rest, and a day of adventure. 

Our shopping day was somewhat successful. Not that anyone bought anything major (just a few DVDs), but we did come

to the realization that we no longer really get lost in our city. I find this to be somewhat of a huge deal. I mean, we live in a relatively big city and we thought we were lost because we made a wrong turn. But nope, we found a bus that we knew would take us to a familiar area and then we could get home. How awesome is that!? Even though getting lost is kind of fun, it's good to know that we can get ourselves home super easily. Our day of rest was also super successful. I pretty much didn't leave my couch all day until dinner. And speaking of dinner, we finally found a favorite restaurant on our street! I mean, we did love the hot pot place, but we were having difficulties finding a place that served individual dishes that we actually liked and were reasonably priced (in China standards..) Well, one owner always says hi to us when we walk by and for the last 5 weeks we've been promising him we would come in. I don't know why it took us five weeks...because it was amazing. Fried rice is probably one of the most delicious and versatile foods on the planet. It is so yummy. And this place knows how to make a good fried rice. 

So for our adventure, we were having somewhat of a difficult time picking a place to go. There are a TON of parks, forests, ancient towns, and ethnic villages in our area. There is so much to see and do here, but we don't always know how to easily get to these places  by bus and the weather is always a little unpredictable. But alas, we finally made a decision on Tianhe Ta scenic spot. We knew how to get there by bus, we had a lot of information about what there was to do there, and we had a general idea of what the cost would be. So off we went.

Getting to our adventures is usually an adventure in and of itself. Even if we know what bus to take, bus rides can be longer than expected, bumpy, jerky, crazy fun, or downright terrifying. Some days, buses don't stop at certain stops, some days buses run at different times. Getting a seat (especially for the long rides) can always be somewhat of a blood battle. And if you do get a seat, prepare to be leaned on, leaned over, sat on, poked, bumped, and stepped on. It is all part of the fun.

So we arrive in Tianhe Ta close to 3 hours after we left home. When there is traffic, it takes us close to an hour to get into town from our neighborhood on the outskirts. It took another 30+ minutes to get to the next bus that would take us to Tianhe Ta. Then that bus ride (which supposedly takes 45 minutes) took over an hour. But we left early for that reason exactly and got to Tianhe before noon. We bought our tickets for entry and were immediately confused. Some people in line in front of us got different tickets that cost less and none of us knew why. We also quickly discovered that we needed to purchase another ticket to take a tram to the park entrance, but we decided to just walk. When we found the entrance, it was instantly clear that it would be a great day. The first thing we came upon was a lovely little garden and building that used to be home to a poet. We then quickly found a pond with all kinds of cool things to see around it. The architecture in China is so awesome! There is so much intricate detail into everything. I wish things back home were as awesome. 

From our research on the park, we knew that there were caves, rivers, mountains, fields, waterfalls, and ziplines. We walked around and formed a gameplan for the day to make sure we'd do everything we wanted to do before we had to leave. First up, waterfalls. And while these weren't the most impressive waterfalls in the area (I can't wait to go to Huangguoshu!) they were still very awesome. We even managed to climb over a little barrier and walk underneath one of them! And again...so many shades of green! We saw in one of the pools beneath the falls about a million tadpoles, which we actually see a lot of considering we've never seen a frog. We also got stopped a couple times in this area to pose for pictures with some locals. I still get a kick out of every time someone wants a photo with us. It's going to be weird going home and losing this celebrity status. 

So we continued to wander around and find all kinds of amazing things. There were open fields of flowers, cliffs, streams and trees galore. But we really wanted to start making our way to the underground river. Part of our "all inclusive" ticket was a boat ride exploring the underground river and karst caves. This part was definitely super cool. They had it set up with a ton of bright colored lights throwing odd angles along all of the stalagmites and stalactites in the caves. It was like a magical underground rainbow water world of amazingness. One downside though was the fact that we came across some old ladies. At first we though they were super cool because they were dressed in traditional attire from the Miao ethnic group. But as our boat approached theirs, one of the old ladies pulled out a mop from who knows where and drenched me. My butt was soaking wet for the rest of the day. Evil old ladies. One of the funniest things though also happened. Jake decided to warn us half way through the cave that he read online that bats live in the caves. Literally right as he said that, a bat came swooping down above us and scared the living daylights out of me. I screamed so loud and all the Chinese people in our boat were cracking up. Can you say perfect timing? 

The boats left us off on the opposite side of the caves where we were able to then get out and walk around the caves as well. It is strongly suggested to stay with a tour group because it is very easy to get lost. Of course we didn't exactly follow the suggestion, but we didn't really get lost either. It was really magnificent being able to walk around this area that has been forming for millions of years. And because of the river running through the caves, everything was very slick and wet. Of course I pulled a typical Ashley and at one point slipped and slid down a flight of stairs, underground...in a cave. Yeah, that also got quite a few laughs out of those around us. And I'm sure no one who knows me will be surprised to hear that it happened twice. Yes, I fell twice. Underground, in a cave...in China. My bum and bruised arms can prove it. I guess I should just count my lucky stars that I didn't fall over a ledge or anything...I mean, I am the queen of the clumsy. I place all blame on the mean old ladies who splashed me head to toe. If I wasn't so wet...maybe I wouldn't have slipped.   

So when we left the darkness of the caves and reentered our somewhat sunny (okay, not really sunny) day, we made our way over to the Lover's Knot Bridge. Okay, I'm all for love and all, but I am definitely not found of suspended rope bridges. No thank you. But of course, I couldn't not go on the bridge. And of course, there were people on the bridge with us who thought it would be so hilarious to be jumping and swaying on the bridge. Needless to say, I walked across it as quickly as possible. This is also the point in the day that my mood started to slightly sour. We bought the most expensive "all-inclusive" ticket (not that we were really given a choice) yet we had to pay ¥3 to go across the bridge. Now I know that's only what, 50 cents. But still, we already paid ¥50 and it was a little bit annoying. 

Across the bridge was where we could zipline back towards the entrance of the park. Now I've never been on a zipline before and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at all nervous. I mean, you're suspended super high above the ground, being held on to a cable by just a couple straps of fabric and a giant hook. Not such a comforting thought, but thrilling nonetheless. So we get up to the zipline line and we come to discover it costs an extra ¥37 to zipline. Now, I really started to get angry. Why call a ticket "all-inclusive" if you have to pay almost double that original cost for all the features? I mean, sure the language barrier could have played a factor and maybe our ticket wasn't really "all-inclusive" and at the end of the day I spent an equivalent of what, $16 for a full day of fun. I don't think there is anywhere in the states you can zipline for $16. So, instead of being angry, I strapped myself in and enjoyed flying across China. What a rush! Until of course I couldn't figure out the brakes and came tumbling in to the landing at top speed...oops! 

We made our way back to the entrance to catch our bus home. We were tired and had to rest up before we started class the next day. That's another different and funny thing about China. Because of the extra off day due to the holiday, our school week started on Sunday instead of Monday. So, while it's nice having a 3 day weekend, the fun gets a little spoiled when you have to work 6 days the following week. You can't say the Chinese aren't ambitious! 

The bus ride home was just as crowded and just as fun. It was another successful weekend in Guiyang. I don't know how I'll possibly bring myself to leave this place. It truly has become home (at least for now!) to me. There are only 67 days left that I get to call this place home. Only 67 more days to spend with my students. Only 67 more days until I start the next great adventure of my life. As excited as I am for what's to come, I want to continue to cherish every moment I have here. I hope I'm able to give back to Guiyang as much as it has given to me.

Rainbow caves, on the Underground River boat tour.

Walking through the caves made me feel like Alice in Wonderland chasing after the Chesire cat.

View from the zipline. Free as a bird!!

Hello tadpoles!

Typical day in China, hanging out behind a waterfall.

I was so terrified to walk out onto this tree branch;
it's always great conquering your fears <3

I love these stone step bridges.

Surrounded by beauty.

Evil old ladies. 

Seriously though, how cool are these caves!?!

Goodbye My Fears

Just in case I haven't already made it clear: I. LOVE. CHINA. One thing though that I haven't mentioned about this crazy love affair that started a mere 53 days ago is the reason I love China the most. I love what China has done to me as a person. Sure, the food is great, the people are wonderful, I have the most loving students and have seen some of the most beautiful sights. None of that comes even close though to how great I feel about me. I feel like I've found a place that I can be me and flourish and grow into the best version of myself. The happiness I've felt here is so genuine, I don't have to fake anything. Not I'm not trying to say I wasn't happy back home, but I was stuck in a rut. As soon as I got to China, I started digging myself out of the hole, and now I'm standing on top of the mountain of life, enjoying the view. 

People have said that what I'm doing here, leaving home and going into the completely unknown, was brave. I've been called fearless. I beg to differ. Coming to China was probably one of the most terrifying things I have ever done in my whole life. Sure, it was a thrill and exciting and an adventure, but that doesn't mean I was scared out of my wits as I boarded that plane in Los Angeles. Heck, not only did I not speak the language, but I was going to a country that has a completely different cultural and societal structure than I was used to. I didn't even know how to use chopsticks! But every single day when I wake up, I shake off the fears and tell myself that today is going to be another adventure. When we are too afraid to do something, we aren't really living. Letting fear rule your life is a sure fire way to make sure you aren't experiencing the best of what life has to offer. That's why I've adopted a new theme song for life. 

"It's like every moment brings a surprise, but my eyes won't open. 

I feel something's different, I'm growing out of my skin

Goodbye my fears, I feel that we have parted. 

The possibilities keep walking in on me.

And it feels so strange, but I guess that's change. It's alright.

The possibilities keep walking in on me" (by Teddy Geiger).

And it is all just so true! Every single day brings me new possibilities. A chance to meet someone new, change a life, try a new food, learn more of the wonderful Chinese language. But the biggest change of all has been inside me. I know I'm being redundant, but it just boggles my brain. I didn't think I could "find" myself in China. I didn't think that China would bring out the best side of me. But its all the more reason to love China, it has allowed me to love myself more than I had been. 

A Thing Called Life

So I know it has been quite a while since I've posted anything. There is really only one reason for this and the answer is simple. Life. Everything about this place, this experience, it just feels like life. I've been at a loss for words in trying to describe everything even to myself. I feel like so much and so little is happening all at the same time; it's a difficult concept to wrap my head around. Being here in China and specifically Guiyang is without a doubt the best thing that has happened to me in my life thus far. I feel so blessed and grateful for being able to do all the things I've already done and for everything I've seen. I can't wait to see what the next two months here in China have in store for me. It boggles my mind that it is already April. Time is flying by so quickly and I just desperately want it to slow down. I am trying to push out of my mind all the thoughts of my upcoming departure and goodbyes. You may think that two and a half months is forever from now, but really, in the grand scheme of things it is just a blink of the eyes. I don't want this time to pass by without me realizing it. I don't want to take a single second, opportunity, or moment for granted. I want to live this thing called life to the best of my abilities. I want to do it all. I want no regrets.

The last two weeks have been such a blur. At times, I can barely remember what I did yesterday because in a way, I feel like I've been living one continuous day. I wake up and following the same routines nearly every day, yet each day throws in a little curveball surprise that always leaves me guessing as to what is going to happen next. I also had my first experience of disliking China. Having been here almost two months,I think that's pretty impressive. I got super sick and couldn't eat for over a day without regreting it almost instantly. I also had to witness one of the most horrific things I think I ever will have to see. Beating the students is strictly forbidden at our school, but one of my student's mother (a second grader) was beating him in the hallway with a stick before class started. School administrators intervened rather quickly, but I am still haunted by the sounds of his desperate screams. I wish more than anything that I could take him home with me and shower him with the love he deserves. He's a great kid in a not so great situation and it is completely heart breaking to know there is really nothing I can do.

There have also been really great things about the last two weeks. I have found my favorite place in Guiyang in Huaxi Park. We only saw a small fraction of it (because the place is HUGE) but what I did see was beyond beautiful. It probably also helped that the weather was not the greatest so the park was pretty empty. All of it together created such a relaxing and peaceful afternoon. I can't wait to go back and just get lost amongst the flowers and trees.

I have a new Chinese best friend. Her name is Zhu and she is the teacher for one of my first grade classes. We eat many of our meals together at the school and she has been teaching me new Chinese phrases and words every day. She also took me out to dinner for the most delicious hot pot ever. She asked me to give her an English name and I decided on June. She asked why I had picked that name because she didn't think it was very common. I told her that she deserved a name that represented something as bright, sunny, warm, and kind as her. And who doesn't love June? It's when summer begins, school ends, and real life adventures begin. She was very grateful that I put so much thought into her name.

It's so funny to me that I can't really picture life any other way than the Chinese way. As I sit here in my office, I'm trying to figure out what I'd be doing back home right now if that's where I was. Maybe I'd be serving some hoity-toity person a latte or strolling down the beach with the sun at my back.  I could be sitting on my butt watching TV, cooking dinner, maybe driving my car somewhere. Really, who knows? But the point is, none of that really matters here and now. Thinking that all those things could be my alternative makes me that much happier for being in China. Sure I love coffee and not all of the customers are bad, but teaching the children here has been so much more rewarding than contributing to the caffeine addiction of myself and others. And the people here are so much more grateful and kind about everything. I definitely miss the beach and my car and my black hole...aka my chaise lounge. But, when I leave here, I'm sure I'll miss the crazy buses, the trees, lakes, and parks even more. Everything I miss about home seems so material and trivial whereas everything here is an experience or a feeling.

People say going on trips like this can change a person. I know that I have changed, and I know that change is for the better. I don't think I'll ever look at life the same again. My eyes have been permenantly changed by what I like to call my "China filter". I see life differently. I live life differently. And I love it.