A Thing Called Life

So I know it has been quite a while since I've posted anything. There is really only one reason for this and the answer is simple. Life. Everything about this place, this experience, it just feels like life. I've been at a loss for words in trying to describe everything even to myself. I feel like so much and so little is happening all at the same time; it's a difficult concept to wrap my head around. Being here in China and specifically Guiyang is without a doubt the best thing that has happened to me in my life thus far. I feel so blessed and grateful for being able to do all the things I've already done and for everything I've seen. I can't wait to see what the next two months here in China have in store for me. It boggles my mind that it is already April. Time is flying by so quickly and I just desperately want it to slow down. I am trying to push out of my mind all the thoughts of my upcoming departure and goodbyes. You may think that two and a half months is forever from now, but really, in the grand scheme of things it is just a blink of the eyes. I don't want this time to pass by without me realizing it. I don't want to take a single second, opportunity, or moment for granted. I want to live this thing called life to the best of my abilities. I want to do it all. I want no regrets.

The last two weeks have been such a blur. At times, I can barely remember what I did yesterday because in a way, I feel like I've been living one continuous day. I wake up and following the same routines nearly every day, yet each day throws in a little curveball surprise that always leaves me guessing as to what is going to happen next. I also had my first experience of disliking China. Having been here almost two months,I think that's pretty impressive. I got super sick and couldn't eat for over a day without regreting it almost instantly. I also had to witness one of the most horrific things I think I ever will have to see. Beating the students is strictly forbidden at our school, but one of my student's mother (a second grader) was beating him in the hallway with a stick before class started. School administrators intervened rather quickly, but I am still haunted by the sounds of his desperate screams. I wish more than anything that I could take him home with me and shower him with the love he deserves. He's a great kid in a not so great situation and it is completely heart breaking to know there is really nothing I can do.

There have also been really great things about the last two weeks. I have found my favorite place in Guiyang in Huaxi Park. We only saw a small fraction of it (because the place is HUGE) but what I did see was beyond beautiful. It probably also helped that the weather was not the greatest so the park was pretty empty. All of it together created such a relaxing and peaceful afternoon. I can't wait to go back and just get lost amongst the flowers and trees.

I have a new Chinese best friend. Her name is Zhu and she is the teacher for one of my first grade classes. We eat many of our meals together at the school and she has been teaching me new Chinese phrases and words every day. She also took me out to dinner for the most delicious hot pot ever. She asked me to give her an English name and I decided on June. She asked why I had picked that name because she didn't think it was very common. I told her that she deserved a name that represented something as bright, sunny, warm, and kind as her. And who doesn't love June? It's when summer begins, school ends, and real life adventures begin. She was very grateful that I put so much thought into her name.

It's so funny to me that I can't really picture life any other way than the Chinese way. As I sit here in my office, I'm trying to figure out what I'd be doing back home right now if that's where I was. Maybe I'd be serving some hoity-toity person a latte or strolling down the beach with the sun at my back.  I could be sitting on my butt watching TV, cooking dinner, maybe driving my car somewhere. Really, who knows? But the point is, none of that really matters here and now. Thinking that all those things could be my alternative makes me that much happier for being in China. Sure I love coffee and not all of the customers are bad, but teaching the children here has been so much more rewarding than contributing to the caffeine addiction of myself and others. And the people here are so much more grateful and kind about everything. I definitely miss the beach and my car and my black hole...aka my chaise lounge. But, when I leave here, I'm sure I'll miss the crazy buses, the trees, lakes, and parks even more. Everything I miss about home seems so material and trivial whereas everything here is an experience or a feeling.

People say going on trips like this can change a person. I know that I have changed, and I know that change is for the better. I don't think I'll ever look at life the same again. My eyes have been permenantly changed by what I like to call my "China filter". I see life differently. I live life differently. And I love it.