What Does It Mean

I am a firm believer in the saying "everything happens for a reason"...

I truly think and feel that at the end of the day, every word we say, every action, and every feeling stems from some meaningful beginning. There is a reason the sky is blue. There is a reason girls like flowers. There's a reason chocolate makes you fat.

I think there is a reason that I found myself back in China. I believe there is a reason I chose to come to Nanjing over returning to Guiyang. I believe there is a reason I have put up with the struggle and fight and faced all the complications.

Have I faced all these struggles gracefully? Heavens no. I've complained and whined. I've shed a few (or maybe more than a few) tears. I've stomped my feet. I've been down right grumpy.

BUT

There is a reason its been so difficult.

I don't know what it is yet, but sooner or later I will learn. 

Maybe it will be one of those profound life lessons. Like you have to fight for what you want. Or maybe its not worth it if you didn't have to struggle. 

I'm ready to accept the fact that not everything goes perfectly or the way you want it to. Sometimes life just sucks and that's okay. At the end of the day, you just need to pick yourself back up, brush off your shoulders, and soldier on.

I don't know why I have faced so many problems in my first 2-3 weeks back in China.

But I do know that I love it here nonetheless. 
I do know that I am already building new friendships and relationships with students and teachers.
I'm discovering a new city and falling in love with a new China, different from before, but still just your typical China.

I don't know what it all means.

But I have the faith and trust to know that sometimes you have to let go of the control you so desperately want to cling to. Sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith and know that even if everything goes wrong, you'll be okay.

I'm also learning how to accept help. I don't always have to be my own super hero. Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to just accept it when others are so willing to give it.

I have such a wonderful support system: back home and here in China.

It's about time I learn to lean on others. 

Sooooo

Thank you.

You know who you are.

Thank you for being my rock. Thank you for being that guiding light. Thank you for taking the wheel when I can't seem to stay in the lane. Thank you for always making me smile, even when I seem completely inconsolable. Thank you for seeing past the facade and being there, even when I try my best to convince you I'm fine.






and on a side note....


I meant for this to be short and all, but in typical Ashley fashion I just kept going and going and going....



also,

in the very near future, I'll post about my time at home and the beginnings of Nanjing.

All in due time.

<3